Ask yourself.......
Who you are, the good and the bad
and
Who do you want to improve to be.
Sunday, March 24, 2013
When I started this blog I was in a new city, my heart was broken and I was in the process of piecing myself back together. 3 years later I find myself needing to do the exact same thing.
I've been spiraling out of control since I moved back to Colorado. Blame it on more money, the success of my leasing job or the support of family but I've been letting myself do whatever the fuck Ive wanted to do. I've slept with a family members husband and the other night I was found by the police drunk in my back yard, no clothes, with my front tooth chipped and scrapes all over my body. WTF?
This is not me. This woman, this person. I hate this person. I don't know this person.
She has no morals. No boundaries. She goes to church but has no sense of obedience or faith. She spends money on whatever she wants then transfers money from her mom's savings account to her own. She's greedy and entitled and reckless. She takes what she wants at whatever moment and rarely thinks about the consequences.
I'm damaging my life. I'm damaging myself. I don't have a husband. I don't have kids. I have all this free time to cut my legs from beneath me.
I've always been self aware. Weighing the pros and cons of my decisions. But how do I change? How do I become the person I used to be? Who do I even want to be? Maybe that's the better question.
This is a cry for help. The last straw. What do you do when the person fucking your life up is the one you see in the mirror?
Over the next few months I'm going to try to do it here. This is a safe domain. I've always been able to express my inner thoughts and here is where I plan to heal myself again. I'm scared to face the truth. Denial is a mighty big problem. I don't have an issue with liquor. I don't have an issue with shopping. I don't have an issue with sex. I don't have an issue with gluttony. I don't have an issue with selfishness.
I'm the perfectly rehearsed version of the person I want people to see. Not. The seams are loosened, the monster inside is seeping out and my flaws are being put on display for the world to see.
You know what though?
The devil can't have me.........He. Can not. Have me.
I've been spiraling out of control since I moved back to Colorado. Blame it on more money, the success of my leasing job or the support of family but I've been letting myself do whatever the fuck Ive wanted to do. I've slept with a family members husband and the other night I was found by the police drunk in my back yard, no clothes, with my front tooth chipped and scrapes all over my body. WTF?
This is not me. This woman, this person. I hate this person. I don't know this person.
She has no morals. No boundaries. She goes to church but has no sense of obedience or faith. She spends money on whatever she wants then transfers money from her mom's savings account to her own. She's greedy and entitled and reckless. She takes what she wants at whatever moment and rarely thinks about the consequences.
I'm damaging my life. I'm damaging myself. I don't have a husband. I don't have kids. I have all this free time to cut my legs from beneath me.
I've always been self aware. Weighing the pros and cons of my decisions. But how do I change? How do I become the person I used to be? Who do I even want to be? Maybe that's the better question.
This is a cry for help. The last straw. What do you do when the person fucking your life up is the one you see in the mirror?
Over the next few months I'm going to try to do it here. This is a safe domain. I've always been able to express my inner thoughts and here is where I plan to heal myself again. I'm scared to face the truth. Denial is a mighty big problem. I don't have an issue with liquor. I don't have an issue with shopping. I don't have an issue with sex. I don't have an issue with gluttony. I don't have an issue with selfishness.
I'm the perfectly rehearsed version of the person I want people to see. Not. The seams are loosened, the monster inside is seeping out and my flaws are being put on display for the world to see.
You know what though?
The devil can't have me.........He. Can not. Have me.
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