oh 2015......where did you come from?

Has it really been 15 years since I started high school?

Have I really been out of my mom's house for 12 years?

I mean I'm old y'all. 30 to be exact, but you know what? I feel good.

the months and weeks leading up to my 30th birthday were rough. God stripped me of a lot of things. My car, money, boys, friends. I realized that I had built a life surround by materialistic things, but in my head, that was okay. I don't have a boyfriend/husband, I don't have kids, I don't have a career, so the things that made me happy were my luxury items. my car and things I was able to buy myself; Clothes, shoes, bar tabs, etc. I had my faith, my loving family, my dogs, but what happened to me when I didn't have these things? I crumbled, my self esteem and ego took a hit. Who was I when I wasn't stepping out of a brand new SUV? I had no idea. I went 3 months and I didn't know who I am.

What I gained was a clear understanding of family, loyalty and humbleness. I want to be there for people that were there for me. I want to do nice things and truly make people appreciate me being around. And you know what? I want to appreciate the people around me. I want to love and like unconditionally.

Now that I have my car back my self-esteem is back. Is that bad? Its bad right? I believe again, but I also am content with trying to be simple. I've always envied simple people. Before the new year I decided that I was going to stop drinking and I have. I no longer like how it makes me feel. Its so weird. I have the urge to create again, to fill my time with things that truly feed my soul.

Here are the things I'm hoping will be a part of my life in 2015

1. I want to volunteer and be a part of my community. With the whole #Ferguson and #Mike Brown events, I felt a strong, maternal instinct of protection and teaching. I want to know this generation and I want to help mold them like the baby boomers did for generation x.

2. I really want to be in shape, so I'm continuing my 5k race per month and training for the tough mudder. I'm also choosing to continue on the Paleo eating lifestyle. I like the feeling of knowing and preparing what food goes in my body. No sugars. Just meat and veggies and the occasional cheat day. Also, no alcohol.

3. I want to be financially responsible. I want to clear my credit report and start over. I hope to be able to qualify for a credit card by the end of the year. I also want money in my savings account and checking account. all this means I need to have side business. The painting business, as well as the online shop.

I have a passion for these things. Stay tuned for my plan on how I can accomplish all these things.

I feel so good about this....Love always.....S.