I surprised my family and flew home for the holiday. I was originally going to stay in Chicago to have a relaxing day in bed with my Pup, store bought food and OnDemand, but I'm super glad I ended up in Denver. Going home for Thanksgiving requires me running around trying to see as much people as possible. This time, I was able to relax. I spent a whole day shopping and goofing around with Ivory and realized how much I missed my bestie.
There weren't a whole lot of things I wanted because cash is always preferred, but I did get P90X. I figured it would help get the muscle mass back that I used to have in high school. They have the option doing a workout routine that will help build lean muscle instead of bulking up so I will be starting that Jan 2nd (I'll need Jan. 1st off to nurse the hangover I know I'm going to have tomorrow. Patron here I come!!!).
The only gift I said I was going to buy myself, no matter what, was my new tattoo (actual picture of my neck...lol) It saying "Dieu" meaning God in French. I love it so much and am so glad I was able to go to my regular guy in Denver to get it done.
On my flight home, they asked if there were any passengers who would be willing to take the next flight to Chicago for a free ticket anywhere. Seeing as though I had nothing but time, I offered my seat....SCORE!!! Ivory and her family are going on a cruise in May and I just found a way to pay for my plane ticket.
I had an amazing Christmas and I'm SOOOO thankful for Jesus, God and all the blessing they have bestowed upon me this year and the many more I will receive in 2011!
Hope you had a great holiday and if you didn't celebrate Christmas I hope you had a great Saturday!
How have I not known about these cute little Spirit Hoodie things until now?! I want one and I want one today....any of the following will work! Since they retail for $129+ and I'm flat broke, I think I can put my creative hands to use and make my own. Good faux fur isn't hard to come by and I've already found some sewing patterns online so I think I'm golden. I'll let y'all know how it goes!
Yo Sammi has lost her fucking mind kid!!! Punching People. Getting knocked out!!!! Pauly D looking good too. Sooooo can't wait for the new season!!!
#2. Delish
These are the perfect combination of sweet and salty. Plus I don't have to stress a whole lot about eating them in bulk because they are pretty low in calories.
#3. My Google Reader
I know I SUPER behind the times but I read sooooo many blogs online and spend a lot of time jumping from one site to another that I've fallen head over heels for this thing. It updates all my new blog posts on one screen and the fact that I can access on my phone excites me more! Yes'ir
#4. The Lunar Eclipse 2010
Although there ALWAYS seems to be a phenomenon happening that hasn't happened in 400 years, I'm a nerd at heart and was bummed when I couldn't watch this live (it was snowing out). Thankfully people were posting the clip on youtube (thank God for that site) and I was able to see it. I thought it would look like a crescent moon, like completely dark, but I was surprised that it was actually in the shadow of the Earth.
#5. Dresses Galore!!!!
I Love, LOve, LOVE this site! I'm totally a dress girl and very rarely wear jeans anymore (jeggings/leggings don't count). Believe it or not it's hard to find fashionable, simple dresses (I'm not into bling and over the top designs) and this site has so many gorgeous, multi occasion, reasonably priced dresses it's insane. I'm overloaded with emotion every time I browse.
#6. Yup...Yup...Yup
I've ate 8 of these in 5 days. I'm very serious. The crust, the warm cream sauce....mmmmmm. The only thing is that is takes 70 mins to cook in the oven! 70! I've never used the oven light in my life, but I'm a total fat kid as I pass by every 6 mins to check and see if it's done.
#8. Download
When Limewire died, my soul died with it. I was so behind the music scene cause I had no way of getting updated music (except iTunes...but seriously?! no.) My friend told me about Vuze and while yes it does take a while to get the hang of, it gets the job done.
#8. Phrases.
I love hearing people say things I wouldn't normally say and "absolutely not" is one of my favorites. There's so much conviction in those two words..ha...loves it! One of my other favs is courtesy of the Kardashians...."Bible". I know it know it's super ditsy and I'm sure Jesus wouldn't co-sign but I dig it anyway. I'll do a post later of catch phrases I use on a daily basis.
Yo...I felt like an amateur at times answering some of these questions. Things that I've imagined myself doing but have never actually done. Looking forward to crossing off a couple of things off my To Do List in 2011.
1. Is there anyone on your friends list you would love to have sex with?
I've cleared out a lot of male friends this year so I would say no, but I am looking forward to meeting more...
2. Sex in the morning, afternoon or night?
I'm not a fan of sex in the morning but I'm down for giving blows jobs. Sex in the afternoon is right up my alley and OF COURSE at night.
3. Have you ever had to pull over to the side of the road to have sex?
Yes'ir...a couple of times. This one time in college, I gave head to my BF while he was driving.
4. Have you ever taken your clothes off for money?
No but I've always had this fantasy of being an actual stripper for a night as a surprise for a boyfriend's birthday.
5. Shower or bath while having sex?
I love having sex in the shower. Not too many black women feel sexy being wet (because of their hair) and I love the surprise when I'm standing there dripping wet...ready to be dicked down.
6. Do you want someone aggressive or passive in bed?
That's a loaded question because there are a lot of stipulations attached to "aggressive", but y'all know I like it rough. If I had my choice it would be rough first then slow after. No patience for passive men.
7. Do you love someone in your friends list?
No.
8.Love or Money?
Love hands down...without a doubt. Although all the Disney Princesses lucked out and fell in love with Princes so.....here's hoping.
9. Where is the weirdest place you have had sex?
My Grandmother's basement.
10. Have you ever been to a strip club?
Yes, with a group of guys. I actually liked it but only because the guys were over the moon that I was with them. Can I also say I give a round of applause to strippers. The things that can do with that pole is truly inspiring!
11. Have you had sex in a movie theater?
Nooooo actually!!!! Lol. I would obviously love too tho!
12. Have you ever had sex at work?
Yes I have. When I was a server, my light-skin and I snuck off to the bathroom. I think I also may have done it on my desk during my off hours..... but I can't remember.
13. Ever been to an adult store?
Of course.
14. Bought something from an adult store?
Yes...nothing shocking from what I can remember. Body oil, sex dice, Keegle marbles.
15. Have you been caught having sex?
Lol. Yes. By my dad when I was 18 and my best friend during NYE a couple of years ago (him and I never lost beat. wink wink.)
16. Does anyone have naughty pics of you?
Not sure if they still have them but yes, 3 men have received naughty pics of me. I'm not opposed of sending them...to the right man. I'm actually looking forward to trying out Skype....
17. Ever had sex with someone and called them by the wrong name?
Lol....ummmm yes I have. Twice maybe?
18. Last question, have you ever been tied up?
No! I had a dream about that the other night and got really turned on. I'd love to try it out!
I don't know how this came up but I was talking to a friend and we got on what our personal anthems/theme songs would be. Like what song we would want playing in one of those Hollywood scenes where we're walking slow, the wind is blowing our hair and the sun is hitting us just right.
Now this was...I don't know mid October and I hadn't made a firm decision until today.
I'm black. So I went thru all the old school songs I could think of....Jackson 5, The Temptations, but nothing that really felt like me. Then I went thru the 90's songs I grew up with....TLC, Escape. Nothing. I went thru my while itunes (5,000 songs) NOTHING, all the while with this song was in the back of my head. Lol...this slow, simple song made from a group of white boys. Finally I made my decision. This song just fits who I am and I'm guessing you never would have guessed that I knew this song. (My life mission, to reveal an element about myself just as someone thinks they know me.)
It not your first....second or third choice of favorite songs. Even after your first couple of times hearing it, it doesn't really move you. But once you know it....once you understand it....you love it. The title is so alluring and sexy. It didn't win any awards (that I know of) but someone, somewhere is having the best sex of their life to this track. Not that everything about my life revolves around sex, it's more like the feeling that sex brings. A specific confidence, connection and passion. Can't you just hear a girl's wispy breaths and gasps of air between the strums of the guitar? Can you imagine a man's fingers running down her stomach or grabbing her waist to the beats of the drums?
Mmmmm. I love it. Anyway, when you read my blog, or imagine me walking down the street hear this song. Or when you hear this song (and you will) think of me and the fact that I smell like Sex and Candy......
So I watch a lot of T.V., probably more then I should let on.
Here is a list of the men that are super cute and play sexy characters on T.V.......ENJOY!
Cole Hauser
Chase: NBC
His voice is so sexy. He never yells, it's always low and deep.
Dax Sheperd
Parenthood: NBC
Very hipster but a little goofy. His character is reformed bad boy with a little bit of boyish naivety.
He's just all over hotness, especially with the tree tattoo.
Pooch Hall
The Game: BET
His name alone makes me want to walk away but his smile and geek-ness make me stay.
He plays the perfect balance of charm with a hint of nerd. I miss his faux-hawk though....so handsome.
Michael C. Hall
Dexter: Showtime
I love his character. Plays low key but very strong, dangerous and a tad bit crazy....Just how I like em.
Jesse Williams
Grey's Anatomy: NBC
I mean....do I even need to say anything? I shouldn't have too. He's so damn cute.
Green eyes, great tan, amazing voice (I can so imagine him whispering in my ear while between my legs!), perfect smile and charm. Perfection
Alex O'Loughlin
Hawaii Five-O: CBS
Always gotta love a cop (The Joke-ster). He never does what he's told and always breaks the rules.
If I were to ever date a while guy he'd be it. Tall, dark, tatted, charming and handsome
Pauly D
Jersey Shore: MTV
Yes, yes, yes....I hate myself for including him on this list. But honestly, how can I not. I love him.
If I look past the cliche tattoos and the always horrendous Ed Hardy shirts, I get a man who loves life with a really funny sense of humor. He's a man whore, but I love that he's smart enough to play "good cop" when The Situation is on his high horse. Plus he's the only one out of the bunch that actually has a job.
Mehcad Brooks
No show as of now
The creme de la creme of black men. PERFECTION. Doesn't he scream orgasms?
Tell you what I did last night
I came home, say, around a quater to three
Still so high
Hypnotized
In a trance
From this body, so butter and brown and tantalizing You woulda thought I needed help from this feeling that I felt So shook I had to catch my breath
Oops, there goes my shirt up over my head
Oh my
Oops, there goes my skirt dropin' to my feet
Oh my Ooh, some kinda touch careesing my legs
Oh my Ooh I'm turning red Who could this be?
I tried and I tried to avoid but this thing was happening Swollow my pride
Let it ride and party
But this body felt just like mines
I got worried I looked over to the left A reflection of myself That's why I couldn't catch my breath
Oops, there goes my shirt up over my head
Oh my
Oops, there goes my skirt dropin' to my feet
Oh my
Ooh, some kinda touch careesing my legs
Oh my
(I looked over to the left)
Umm I was looking so good I couldn't reject myself
(I looked over to the left)
Umm I was feeling so good I had to touch myself
(I looked over to the left)
Umm I was eyein my thighs butter pecan brown
(I looked over to the left)
Umm comin outta my shirt and then the skirt came down
So I had this dream last night and it took my breath away. I ended up rubbing my thighs together while I slept....
Sex for me or rather the attraction to a man is only as good as the build up (I've never been a person who just jumps in a pool, I let the water touch my body inch by inch). I understand it can't be that way every time, but for me to appreciate the presence of a man, it can't be.....boy meets girl, phone numbers exchange, dinner date, kiss, bedroom, sex. If my life ends up like that I'll certainly die from boredom.
Here goes....
It's Saturday morning. Say 11. I'm at coffee shop. Mom and pop owned. It smells like coffee and cream and has a great vintage theme. Plush armchairs, baskets full of magazines, and a selection of cupcakes that include red velvet cake and cream cheese frosting.
I'm sitting by the window, where I can people watch. Reading a magazine while I sip a white chocolate mocha from a wide mouthed mug. It's just starting to be Spring out. The kind of weather you hope is warm enough so you can start wearing a day dress and heels. Today though I have my hair in a high messy bun, running leggings, flip flops and a grey sweatshirt that is falling off my shoulder. My gold watch, thick vintage bracelet and my gold Libra medallion and chain complete the look.
Now this place has one of those nostalgic bells that hang over the door and every time someone comes in or out it rings. On your first visit it's pretty annoying but then after you barely notice it. As I'm sitting there, I uncommonly hear the bell ring and it takes me out of my concentration. I look up and see this figure walk in.
Tall, grey Nike sweats and a simple white tee. Clean fade, with a 12 o'clock shadow on his face and white earphones in his ears. Hmmm interesting...I think as I raise my eyebrow. I don't stare but my attention has definitely been caught. Since I'm in the corner he can't really see me eyeing him. He orders a coffee with cream and pays with a credit card. He turns with his back toward me and I notice his whole left arm is covered with tattoos, Samoan or Hawaiian maybe, while the right one remains bare. Delish.
As he heads for the door to leave, I can't help but notice the way his clothes hang off his body. Broad shoulders, tapered waist, muscular legs. Right before he walks out and I give a wishful sigh, he looks my way. Eye contact. Stomach drops. No breath. He nods with a smile and then...gone.
Over the next few weeks, I think about him every time I'm in the shop but see him. I girlishly think about the conversations we would have and the ways he'd make me laugh. Weeks go by and I start to lose hope. As soon as I do though, he appears. He orders, he nods, he leaves. But I start to see him often after that and sometimes the roles are reversed. He's the one sitting and I'm the one leaving. We always do the same thing though. Smile...nod....leave.
The last time we saw each other we were both in line. He was a few people behind me. After I ordered my usual and stepped to the side I accidental bumped in to him. His hand found my waist as he steadied me. Sweet Lord. I apologized and he said it was alright with a grin.
Today, it's evening. A great summer night. I have on a white day dress, with my hair down, and high caramel colored wedges on my feet. My skin is a little dewy from the heat but I smell like the new perfume I had bought hours before. I get a shaken lemonade and as I turn to get a napkin a hand accidentally touches mine. I notice strong fingers before I look up and realize it's him.
I'm at a lose for words. He says "Go ahead." with a gesture. As I grab my napkins, he asks my name and tells me his in return. We shake hands. I hear him but I not listening. He's too close and smells like laundry. Not cologne. Laundry. I shake my head and noticed he must have asked me a question. "I'm sorry what?" I say.
"Perfect weather huh?".
"Oh yes, yes it is."
I walk around him and we part with him eyeing my forearm and complimenting, "Nice tattoos.". After a quick thought I decide to stay and take my normal seat. For the first time, I see he does the same except across the room.
I mess with my phone, sip my drink and try my hardest not to look up or at him. Is he looking at me? Don't look at him! Damn, I need another napkin. Don't walk over there! Is your hand seriously shaking? Get a hold of yourself woman! Gathering my things, I go to the restroom to collect myself. What's the big effing deal?! I look at my reflection in the single bathroom mirror, fluff my hair, reapply my lip gloss, conclude all this is crazy and settle on leaving.
As I walk out of the bathroom I run in to a wall. A black cotton wall with a pulse. I look up and ask softly, "What are you doing here?".
He starts to apologize. "I know, I'm sorry. I don't know why I'm here, I just...I just wanted to check and make sure you were okay.". I manage a smile before his hand touches my face and his lips meet mine. I didn't know it before but I had been aching for this moment. His lips were soft as my breath got lost. Seconds after he pulls back, shaking his head and was about to say something before I bring him back to me.
That's it. That's all. The hunger I had broke into a thousand pieces. My hands went around his neck and with his mouth on mine I press my body into him. The fact that he's a stranger becomes a distant memory as my sexual instincts take over. He presses me up against the now closed bathroom door and his hands grab my waist. The pressure of his hips on mine are too much to handle. The need. The want. I break our kiss and gasp for air. He takes the opportunity and moves my hair from my neck. He bends and kisses the spot below my ear and his tongue soon follows. I feel his breath in my ear saying he's had dreams of doing this to me. His left hand moves from my waist to my ribcage as his right arm braces his weight against the door.
A decision is made in my head. I want him but I'll only follow his lead. He lifts his head and looks me in my eyes. For the first time since we awkwardly met, we take each other in. His middle finger scoots my hair out my eyes and he ends up saying...."You're just so pretty." I stand on my tip toes and give his mouth a sincere peck. His right hand turns the bathroom knob and as the door opens behind me, we stumble into the bathroom.
Darkness. Except for the red glow from the exit sign above the door. He backs me up until my body hits the porcelain sink. He lifts me up, sits me on the cold counter and looks in my eyes as if asking permission. All I do is smile. He goes to lock the door and I miss him. My arms extend as he makes his way back to me. He nestles his legs between my knees and backs me up against the mirror.
I bite my lower lip as his hands get acquainted with my body. He touches my neck, my shoulders, my sides, my back, my waist and I hold my breath as he makes his way from my arms to my knees. His right hand comes behind my neck to bring my lips close to his. As I draw his bottom lip in my mouth and give it a playful nip, his left hand circles my knee. I feel him smile as I bring my arms to rest on his shoulders. His right arm moves my body closer to him and I lean my head back and sigh as his finger tips softly graze my inner thigh. I know I'm already wet and eager and can't wait for him to feel how much he's turning me on.
His fingers continue traveling north and softly make contact with my panties. I'm anxious as they follow the edge of white cotton and lace, back and forth, before actually stopping where I want him too. He says, "Wow, you do want me."
I hear myself whispering in his ear telling him I don't want him anymore, I need him. Stepping back for a moment, he pulls his shirt off and finally I'm able to touch his skin. The tattoo that starts at his left wrist, winds itself all the way up his arm and flows on to his very wide chest and back. As I touch his upper body, his index finger sneaks inside my delicate fabric and touches me. At that moment I tell him enough is enough and that I need to feel him. He smiles.
He pinches my panties on either side and tells me to left as he slides them down and off my legs, sticking them in his back pocket. I unbuckle his jeans and am able to feel the size of him. Strong. Hard. He takes controls as he moves my hands to finish the job. I rub my thighs together in excitement and ready myself for what is about to happen. He steps to me, finds my mouth with his and I moan with pleasure as he pushes deep into me....
I wake up. Out of my sleep. Out of my dream. Back to reality. My first thought is to start crying cause it was feeling so damn good. I find comfort in knowing though, that this is what I have to look forward too. Maybe not that exact situation but the experience that the man I choose to give my body to will make me feel as good as he did.
A couple weeks left before I can start scouting and I'm so excited. Happy dreams everyone....
I know the picture above looks a little gritty and solemn but I promise this post isn't. I'm actually in a pretty good mood. Let me explain.....
My little sister....the 17 year old, is currently not talking to me. I found this out after I texted her and she responded via Facebook with a status that said "...take this no communication as a sign...". Why is she not talking to me? Because I got super drunk on Thanksgiving with the rest of the family (which is was not responsible, I'll admit) and we ended up having a conversation, (that I don't even remember) where I said something that "upset" her. Now at first I was sad...I mean I never want her to be mad but then I came to the conclusion that I'm not going to do this, this fixing other people's issues. Lol...I'm done...and I love it.
I was brought up as a fixer. For years as a kid, I worried about how my step dad's actions would affect my little brothers. I worked overtime with my mom to cover up his mistakes and you know what? My brother's have grown up to make the same stupid mistakes their dad did. As a kid, I tried to read in between the lines to figure out why my dad wasn't there for me? Why he didn't fight for me? Why even my step dad didn't fight for me? To try and be a role model to my siblings, to show them how to live life correctly. I mean issues, after issues, after issues to try and figure out and now I'm through.
After 2010 ends I'm leaving all that behind me. I'm not sweeping them under the rug, they will LITERALLY not exist. Sure I'll lend an ear. I'll be a support, but I will not harp any longer. People are going to make decisions for themselves and I'm no longer going to miss out on my life to help them work through them.
I'm so excited for what 2011 holds for me and while my finances are struggling and there's a thought of me moving back to CO for a couple of months, I still remain okay that the only decisions I make will benefit my future, not anyone else's.
It's been an uber lazy day today, even though I work from home. It's been all about my bed, my DVR, Pomegranate green tea, Caramel Corn rice cakes and cuddling with the pooch.
About an hour ago I got up to download some music and this is one of the new songs I got.
Okay here's another obsession of the moment. This Ombre hair color trend for brunettes. LOVE>>>>LOVE>>>>LOVE. I've only dyed my hair once, my freshmen year of college and I'm trying to figure out if I want to do this again. It's a commitment because coloring your hair can cause it to dry out and break off. The way I do my hair already doesn't require any grease so it can really start to break off.
I already wear my hair in loose barrel curls on a regular basis and I can totally see this style fitting in with my clothes and my tats. Yum. I'll let you know if I end up doing it! Until then....enjoy!
UPDATE: I ended up doing it. I used Sun In which is a very mild lightening spray. I soaked the lower part of my hair with it and because it's heat activated I blow it dry with a blow dryer. I repeated about 4 times going lower on my hair each time. It looks amazing and I'm so excited. My tips are as light as I would want them to be so I'm going to repeat it in a few days. Anyway I'm proud I tried something new and that it came out great!
I'm currently obsessed with these newspaper boy/flat caps. They are so attractive on a man and they look super hot on girls. Now it took me almost an hour finding these images which means not everyone can pull them off. They definitely have to be a good fit, not too loose, too big or to curved. Like sex, it should fit just right. I'm shopping around for my first cap and I can't wait to find it!
When I was home for Thanksgiving I stayed with my dad instead of my mom. My uncle and his family usually stay there as well so for the first time, him and I were in tight quarters with each other and he started to let on about something that really pissed me off. I mean I'm pretty upset now just thinking about it.
I think my unlce thinks I'm gay and that I'm in the closet.
First things first.....I'm not gay. I've never been with a woman and unless it was a threesome with a man to turn him on, I wouldn't care to sleep with one. I'm not saying anything against lesbians, I'm just saying I'm not one of them.
Yes I have tattoos, yes I cuss, yes I took a year off from dating (MEN), but I LOVE DICK!!!!! I mean they've only met one boyfriend but I don't bring men around my family unless it's a serious relationship. Plus I was pregnant for heaven's sake so what the fuck?!
My uncle is a military lifer, traditional. He had been for like 40 years and I don't know if it's because I'm not a submissive, 40's wife that has lead him to these conclusions. Or because today's society assumes that strong willed women are gay but it actually makes me feel uncomfortable. Insecure about who I am when I'm around that side of the family. If they actually got past my exterior they would know I'm very girlie and very traditional myself.
At this point I can't wait to fall in love, be awife and have kids.
Anyway...the only thing I want to say to him whenever he says another sarcastic ass comment is...."I love dick Unk so back the fuck off."
It could all be so simple But you'd rather make it hard Loving you is like a battle And we both end up with scars Tell me, who I have to be
To get some reciprocity
No one loves you more than me
And no one ever will
Is this just a silly game
That forces you to act this way Forces you to scream my name Then pretend that you can't stay
Tell me, who I have to be
To get some reciprocity
No one loves you more than me
And no one ever will
Hook: No matter how I think we grow You always seem to let me know It ain't workin'
It ain't workin' And when I try to walk away You'd hurt yourself to make me stay
This is crazy
This is crazy
I keep letting you back in How can I explain myself As painful as this thing has been I just can't be with no one else See I know what we got to do You let go and I'll let go too 'Cause no one's hurt me more than you And no one ever will
Repeat Hook
Care for me, care for me I know you care for me
There for me, there for me Said you'd be there for me
Cry for me, cry for me You said you'd die for me
Give to me, give to me Why won't you live for me
(Repeat)
--
A lot of my female friends are going thru it with their men. I remember those days of loving and pleading for the man in your life, the man you loved more then anything to just stay and love you. Reminding him of all the things he's said to you. Reminding him of all the times you wanted to leave and he brought you back. (p.s The Joke-ster has been all up in my dreams too.....sigh.) I love this song so much.
It's funny tho because I've been singing this song since I was a kid and never really paid attention to the words. I recently put Lauryn's CD in to play as I was waiting for a friend and randomly picked up the insert to read the words. When I actually read the lyrics that I'd been singing for years, I fell even more in love with it.
As this year comes to an end, I've been trying to figure out if I'm ready to date again. Has my heart mended? Have I really left all my baggage in the past? Are all my cynical thoughts and negative notions now converted into positive and faithful ones? Yes I think they are.
For the first time ever, I'm excited about letting a man into my heart. To love equally without shutting myself off completely and be an optimistic. It still unnerves me a little but I try not to think of the pain that I and other women I know have had to face. The love lost.
I love being single, and I don't know if it's because of my cliche age but I think I really have developed as a person and am thinking about marriage and kids.
The only thing left to do is figure out the income and career of choice....ugh....no bueno.
By now you have to know I like sex. A LOT. Casual sex though, I'm not really into. I've had a one night stand and didn't like it (and actually, I knew the guy so it really wasn't a one night stand with someone I just met). I was having a discussion with 2 of my good friends about casual dating and long term relationships and it came to my attention that they casually date with sex frequently. My first thought was pretty judgemental, because I don't believe in having a lot of sexual partners but I'm not sure if I'm wrong or right.
Now these are great girls! Really good friends. One is in med school, 28, really pretty and loves being in a relationship. The other has her masters in social work, 25, pretty and is neutral about being single or being in a relationship. Both are interested in getting married and both have a pretty masculine thought process about relationships. Less emotions, upfront and direct honesty, no drama.....I mean I would say we are all in the same boat.
I've said this once and regardless if you believe me, it's the truth. I literally can not have sex with a guy unless all the puzzle pieces naturally fall into place. I have to be attracted up front to his looks, his sense of humor, his integrity, his drive...etc...etc...etc. I can't have one without the rest and fuck him, whereas some girls fuck while getting to know. For me it happens (the joke-ster, atom, itta bit), it's just few and far between. When all signs point to yes, yummmmm, he better be prepared.
I guess where the girls and I are different is. when we are not in relationships (boyfriend/girlfriend status) they casual date a guy, have sex/get to know him, figure out something they don't like about him and within the next few weeks are on to the next. I (when I was having sex) just had time fillers that provided me with specific needs until I found "THE ONE". One just fulfilled my sexual needs. One was for going to the movies. One was a drinking partner. One was my athlete friend. One gave me ego boosts. One was a texting friend. One would cook for me. I mean the list goes on and on. More times times out of ten though, one guy took on a number of those roles but none of the guys were inter changeable. None of them knew about each other, but they all knew their roles. Where I went wrong, and why I took this year off to change is, I want to try giving one guy a chance to be ALL those things to me.
So, the reason for this post is...when you are not in a serious relationship, is it better to have numerous companions fulfilling a single need? Or to have numerous mates, with whom you've given a chance to fulfill all your needs and when it doesn't work out you move to the next?
Oh my goodness you guys!!!!!! I just recently took a look on the blog's stats (which I haven't done since March 2010) and I didn't know so many people were reading my blog!!!!!
I feel like Sally Field when she won her Oscar! "You like me, you like me! You REALLY like me!"
When I first started this blog I thought I would have followers up to Wazoo within my first couple of weeks. When that didn't happen (because my expectations were to high) I got discouraged. Thankful I came around and realized this blog was mostly for moi. I needed to see my thoughts written down. I needed to have a place were even if they weren't being read, I could pretend my thoughts were being heard.
It's so crazy to see now that people (YOU GUYS) are visiting my site and reading all about me. Lol. Who knew! November alone had 205 hits (which may be minimal for some but) that's 205 times someone clicked to check up on me. "Addy's Resume" was actually the most popular of the posts in November. I'm even getting more followers on Twitter daily.
Anyway I just wanted to thank you for visiting...it means a lot!!! Oh and I promise to start posting on a regular basis from here on out.
You guys already know my love affair with romance comedies from the 30's and 40's. Love back then seemed so easy. Yes it was full of women marrying for money but I guess what I really love is that the men back then were so genuine. They saw a girl, thought she was pretty, asked her to dance or to dinner and before could kiss her, he wanted to provide and marry her. Lol. Can you se in the romantic in me? Trust me...I laugh at myself all the time.
Here are some songs from my favorite movies....
Starts 1:52
You see a pair of laughing eyes
And suddenly your sighing sighs
Youre thinking nothings wrong
You string along, boy, then snap!
Those eyes, those sighs, they're part of the tender trap
Youre hand in hand beneath the trees
And soon there's music in the breeze
Youre acting kind of smart, until your heart just goes wap!
Those trees, that breeze, they're part of the tender trap
Some starry night, when her kisses make you tingle
Shell hold you tight, and you'll hate yourself for being single
And all at once it seems so nice
The folks are throwing shoes and rice
You hurry to a spot, that's just a dot on the map
Youre hooked, you're cooked, you're caught in the tender trap
Some starry night, when her kisses make you tingle
Shell hold you tight, and you'll hate yourself for being single
And all at once it seems so nice
The folks are throwing shoes and rice
You hurry to a spot that's just a dot on the map
And then you wonder how it all came about
Its too late now there's no gettin out
You fell in love, and love is the tender trap
I've told you before I have a tattoo of blackbird on my ribcage for this song and as a tribute to Chicago. Reading the lyrics it really makes sense as to why I got it.
--
Gonna pack up all my cares and woe, here I go, singing low
Bye bye blackbird
Where somebody waits for me, sugar is sweet and so is he
Bye bye blackbird
No one here can love and understand me
Oh, what hard-luck stories they all hand me
So make my bed, light the light, I'll arrive late tonight
Blackbird, bye bye
I'm gonna pack up all my cares and woe, here I go, singing low
Bye bye blackbird
Where somebody waits for me, sugar's sweet and so is he
Bye bye blackbird
No one here can love and understand me
Oh, what hard-luck stories they all hand me
So make my bed, light the light, I'll arrive late tonight
Blackbird, bye bye
It must be weird getting a message from me. I'm 26 now. Lol...I know it's crazy, I'm still getting used to it. I wanted to write you this letter because I love you. I really do. I've seen your future and there's some things I wanted you to know.
-Make amends with your dad, Craig. Your fall out hasn't happened yet but it will. You are already having resentment feelings toward him. Talk to him and be understanding. Drugs have turned him into a different person. He knows it and even he is having a hard time with who he's become. When you're my age, all the anger emotions you have toward him will be distant memories and it will be too late to fix. You'll regret holding on to the anger because when you look back on your childhood the bad times won't even exist.
-Jaycee goes through a really hard time his senior year and into adulthood. Be there for him. You are the one he will call for. The one he needs and while it will be very hard for you know it's thousands times harder for him. Watch your words, in an anger filled moment one comment will change your relationship with him forever.
-The greatest gift you will receive is a sweet puppy. TRAIN HIM PROPERLY. If not you won't open up your future homes to enjoy with other people. You may become recluse-ish.
-Cry more babe. You can still be strong for your mom and the family and cry. I know you think it's a weakness but if you learn to do it now you will be able to control your tears in the future.
-Follow your heart when it comes to men and you'll do just fine. I know you are afraid to let someone in because of your real dad and you don't want to get hurt, but it gonna happen anyways. You can't controll it. Follow your gut too cause it's actually God speaking to you. Walk away when it says walk away. It's okay to not believe in unconditional love right now but keep believing, it may happen. You'll kiss a few toads, even fall in love with a few but the lessons you learn help you become the amazing woman you turn out to be.
-Be closer to God. Reading the bible and going to church may be a little nerdy for a teen but when you are laying in bed at night trying not to cry pretend your pillow is His chest and lean on Him. The man that you've been dreaming of...Prince Charming...He's been with you all along. Have conversations with Him. Call Him before you call your friends.
-People will make you second guess your dreams/career but like you always are, be yourself. The lessons you learn from dreaming and failing will help you discover you're true calling in life. Not many people can say they know their reason for living but you will.
-Don't analyze your premonitions so much. You'll spend a lot of time worrying and missing out on life because you are afraid of what you've already "seen".
-Make a point to get close to your sisters as much as you can. You only have 2 now but you'll get 2 more later and those relationships will mean more to you then you know now.
-Help Chase think on his own. Show him how to problem solve. Yes he's your little brother but LET him put the last block on his lego tower. Help him do things on his own. Your mom is going to have a hard time with him later. Helping him be a strong kid now will help make him a strong man later. Get to know who he is so when he gets older so he'll trust you with his thoughts. Oh and extra lessons on how to look both ways before crossing a street will help. Trust me!
-Learn to save your money. You will grow into a big spender. The more money you have in the bank, the more frugal you become. I know it's weird but trust me, that's how you are. Protect your credit. You won't be able to pay all your bills on time but make it a priority to try.
-You and your mom's relationship will stand the test of time but don't change your course because she says so. Take care of her like you always have. She'll need it. You are going to go through a lot too and you will need her. Her biggest insecurity is feeling like everyone wants something from her without having someone of her own to make her feel special. Words are great but actions speak louder. Do nice things for her.
-I know when you look in the mirror there are things you want to change about your body. You don't know it now but honey! That body is the shit!!! Boys like it now and men will want it later. Take your shirt off when you go to the pool. You are so very pretty. Freshmen 15 is real but you won't really gain weight until 24/25 (I'll have to write a letter to her telling her to get off the couch next.) Natural beauty is great but doesn't last always, continue to take care of your self and your confidence.
-You have always been a leader but you unknowingly make the same decisions as your friends. You don't know it now but they aren't as they appear. You will try to live your life based on theirs and it just won't work. It'll just hold you back. Trust yourself and make those random, Libra decisions you are confortable with. God is going to bless you with Great friends later in life anyway.
-Continue to hold on to your morals, your parents taught you well and while I would say it might be easier for you to wait to have sex til you are out of high school, waiting until you are 18 is still a great goal (one you really will reach).
Honestly though, you are going to go through a lot of changes, a lot of hard times, and a lot of lessons learned but you are a smart, strong black woman and you will always come out on top. Hold tight to your family, your morals and your faith. Other then that enjoy life Love. I'm very very proud of the journey you are on and the storms you will endure.
Love always and forever,
Your 26 year old self
OH...p.s. You'll end up really liking tattoos, but when you go to get your first one and your third one, please stay away from Chinese symbols and moons and stars. Actually you know what? Don't worry about it, you're smart, you'll be ight'.
I mean....does it get any better then old school LL?
It's the first time together and I'm feeling kinda horny Conventional methods of making love kinda bore me
I wanna knock your block off
Get my rocks off
Blow your socks off Make sure your G spot's soft
I'm 'ma call you big daddy And scream your name
Matter of fact I can't wait for your candy rain
So what 'chu saying
I get my swerve on
Bring it live
Make it last forever Damn, the kitty cat's tired
Mmmmm, daddy slow down your flow Put it on me like a G, baby Nice and slow
I need a rough neck nigga, mandingo and a sec Who ain't afraid to pull my hands Spank me from the back
No doubt I'm the player that your talking about
Um hum, but do you really think that you could work it out
I guarantee you shorty It's real Baby stick it out
Here comes the man of steel
Doin' it and doin' it and doin' it well,
Doin' it and doin' it and doin' it well,
Doin' it and doin' it and doin' it well
I represent Queens she was raised out in Brooklyn
Doin' it and doin' it and doin' it well,
Doin' it and doin' it and doin' it well,
Doin' it and doin' it and doin' it well
I represent Queens she was raised out in Brooklyn
I'm in the mix now Searching for the right spot to hit Now get down
Damn I love a dig now
You use a rubber?
Damn right
You are my lover?
All night
The putty good to you Hurt the mother
Mad tight The only thing left to do it climax Lets make it last
Word, we ain't goin' on like that All this time you been telling me that you was a Don I tried to warn you girl You wouldn't listen Now lets get it on Mmmmmm make me wild Don't do that, chill Wait a minute baby Let me please you back You talk a good one shorty Love, you're making me sweat How a live nigga like it girl? Nice and wet We get it on till the break of dawn Damn your large How a big girl like it daddy? Nice and hard
Safe sexing it
Flexing it Getting mad affectionate
Chewing it
Doin' it
All while we're doing it
Repeat Chorus1
Baby I wanna hit it in the worst way
To make ya hot
Scheming on the ass since the first day
Don't stop Damn I love it when you talk like that Make it bounce sugar
Long as you can bounce me back
Mo flesh than the Greek fest
Roll up the sense
Pass the Hennessey
Put my body to the test
Way, way back
Many niggas ago I was a young girl listening to how you flow Now's my chance to hit you Oh daddy I'm grown From the back From the side
Right
I'm in the zone
One of a kind
When it's time to do mine
Camcorder and the whole shit
Press rewind
Let it flow on screen
While we puff some "L"
Laying back in the cut while we're under the spell
Word life
I like the way the "f" went down
Go to sleep
Tomorrow I'll take you back down town
We'll be
I've been watchin' you from afar,
for as long as I can remmeber
You are all a real man can need
and ever ask for
this is love
this is more than a crush
It was all ....(up at Rutgers)
I saw with your man
smiling, huh, a coach bag in your hand
I was laying in the coup with my hat turned back
we caught eyes for a moment, and that was that
so skated off, as you strolled off
looking at them legs, god damn they looked so soft (so fine)
I gotta take ya from your man that's my mision
If his love is real he got ta handle competition
you only knew about 5 months (that's right)
besides he drinks too much and smokes too many blunts
and I've been working out everyday thinking bout you
looking at my own eyes in the rear view
cathchin flash backs of our eye contact
wish i could lay ya on your stomach and caress your back
i would hold ya in my arms and ease your fears
I can't believe it, I hadn't had a crush in years
[Chorus]
[2x] hey lover, hey lover, this is more than a crush
Lover, hey lover, this is more than a crush
hey lover, hey lover, this is more than a crush
I see you at the bus stop waitin everyday
your man must think its safe for you to travel that way
but i don't want ta violate your relationship
so i lay back in the cut with a crush that'a trip still he can't stop me from having day dreams tounging you down with huh vanilla ice cream kissing on your thighs in the moonlight searching your body with my tounge girl all night
I wonder one day could it be, simple dreams turnin into reality
Our love would come down so naturally
we would walk down the isle of destiny
what your man got his hustle on gotcha type scared
break ya off a little chump change to do your hair
that seems to be enough to satisfy your needs
but there's a deeper level if you just follow my lead
Hey lover
[CHORUS]
Last week I saw ya at the mall
standing at the pay phone bout to make a call I had a vision it was me on the other end telling you come by and then you walked in I touched you gently with my hands
we talked about traveling the distant lands
escaping all the madness out here in the world
becomin my wife no longer my girl then, you let your dress fall down to the floor i kissed you softly and you yearned for more
we experienced pleasure unparallel
into an ocean of love we both fell
swimming in the timeless, currents of pure bliss
fantasies interchanging with each kiss
undying passion unities our souls
togehter we swim until the point of no control
but its a fantasy it(that,you) won't come true
we never even spoke and your man (still) love you
so I'm gonna keep all these feelins inside
keep my dreams alive until the right time