Oh Hallow's Eve...what can I say? I didn't dress up this year. Why? Lol. I don't know really. Just wasn't feeling it. The last time I dressed up it was 2007. I went as an Adidas, 80's girl (my mom bought my infamous gold name plate for the occasion). The year after I spent trick or treating with my little sisters and in 2009 I was en route moving my furniture from my condo in Denver to my new apartment in the Chi.
My 26th year feels weird though and I'm still trying to work my way into it. I feel like I need to play the part, being an actual adult instead of being me (care free not immature, tho there is a fine line) and I didn't feel like running around with a "my dad didn't love me enough so I'm showing all my girl parts" costume. I love sex way to much to actually dress slutty, it would have been sexual overload.
I wore a long sleeve, short black dress, with bondage pale pink heels and a statement necklace. My friends and I went to Addy's for a house party then end to a lounge overlooking the river. When people/men would ask what I was I simply stated...sexy. Corny? Yes. But I got a couple of laughs.
Lots of people dig Halloween but it's not that exciting for me. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. Why? The food...duh...
Since I'm horny as shit and this year seems to be ticking by slowly on purpose, I decided to take a trip down memory lane to the songs that helped create my strong sexual appetite. All are from the 90's.
For your pleasure....
Verse 1:
"Picture this, I'm in my bed, body's hot, soak 'n wet.
Thinking bout the things I like to do (I like to do)
I'm open wide when it comes to freakin you (freakin you).
Imagine me, (imagine me) wet as can be, between my legs,
You tasting me (tasting me) boy when you get here ya know my
Love will over flow and you ain't got to worry bout my clothes cause I got my"
Adina taught me how to talk to a man, def helps with phone sex (wink, wink).....I'm sure my dad didn't think about that when he would blast this in the car.
Verse #1:
"1 We'll go to my room for fun
2 Then I'll say give me your tongue
3 Cause tonight I'm gonna fulfill your fantasy yell
4 Lie down on the floor
5 Cannot wait to cum inside
6 Anything that's broken, I'll fix
7 Spread your legs apart
8 Feel me, I'm so hard
9 See I want you from behind, with that bump and grind yeah
10 Baby climb on top of me
11 Up and down we'll go you'll see
12 And that's when I go down on my knees giving you some of my"
My childhood was filled of many R.Kelly songs...he displayed directness and confidence, qualities I always look for in a man. If you are hesitant or shy it really isn't going to work. Pull rank as a man and tell me what you want me to do (within reason of course).
Male Rap:
"S and the P wanna kick with me, cool (uh-huh)
But I'm wicked, G, (yeah) hit skins but never quickly (that's right)
I hit the skins for the hell of it, just for the yell I get
Mmm mmm mmm, for the smell of it (smell it)
They want my bod, here's the hot rod (hot rod)
Twelve inches to a yard (damn) and have ya soundin' like a retard (yeah)
Big 'Twan Love-Her, six-two, wanna hit you
So what you wanna do?
What you wanna do?
Mmmm, I wanna shoop"
This whole song is awesome...a little raunchy but it gets the job done.
Verse #2:
"One two unbuckle my shoe
kissing and cuddling at my crib after the venue and I
didn't wanna take it too fast so I said slow slow
I gotta make some calls so keep it down low
she was like I can't believe
you wanna talk instead of making love to me
five minutes chillin
next thing it's my name she's calling"
This song may be a little lame but I love this verse! He didn't want to rush but she wanted him. It taught me that when I want sex...don't be afraid to ask for it. Now I do.
And of course this song....how could it not be on this list....Ah.Maze.Ing. I wish I had a man here right now.
Take a good look at it
Look at it now
Might be the last time you'll
Have a go round
I'll let you touch it if you'd
Like to go down
I'll let you go further
If you take the southern route
Don't go too fast
Don't go too slow
You've got to let your body flow
I like 'em attentive
And I like 'em in control
Chorus:
Baby it's yours
All yours
If you want it tonight
I'll give you the red light special
All through the night
Baby it's yours
All yours
If you want it tonight
Just come through my door
Take off my clothes
And turn on the red light
I know that you want me I can
See it in your eyes
You might as well be honest 'cause the
Body never lies
Tell me your secrets and I'll
I'll tell you mine
I'm feelin' quite sexy
And I want you for tonight
If I move too fast just let me know
'Cause it means you move too slow
I like some excitement
And I like a man that goes
Chorus
If you want me
Let me know it
I'll make time but
You've got to show it
If you need me
I want to see
But don't mistake me
I don't want you down on your knees
I need someone a real man
I need someone who understands
I'm a woman a real woman
I know just what I want
I know just who I am
Male rap:
You know me as your player, your pipe layer, your all night stayer
All up in your sauce when you need your rocks off
Knock your socks off, baby off the chain in this bitch
Have your wide ass open while I'm slangin' this dick....
Just keep my pussy horny so you can put it on me
Girl you know I'm the only one who can satisfy your monkey
Ain't nobody gon' do you like I do when I put this love stick inside you
Money man guaranteed to satisfy you
Have you open all night like a drive-through
So bring yo thang on so I can get my bang on
I hope you likes a good fuck because my game strong
And I ain't lyin' girl you wouldn't if you could quit I signs my name on that pussy, mr. good dick That's my shit"
Love it.
Oh, if you have daughters, sister, little niece...be careful what they listen too as kids and young teens. I was feeling all the sex at a young age but I had had a good head on my shoulders and wasn't out in the streets. Girls can go left quick instead of taking the right path ya know? Be smart.
Long story short, I have two rules when it comes to facebook. #1. No exes and #2. If we have never actually had a conversation, I'm not accepting your friend request. I won't go into the reasons why because it should be self explanatory.
Itta Bit asked me to be friends on Facebook about a year ago. I didn't decline the request I just never accepted it. After a couple of days he would message me, often asking why I was acting weird and not allowing him to be my friend. The thing is, I just didn't care any more. There's nothing wrong with not caring. I wasn't mad, I didn't still have feelings. I just didn't care. I was young when we dated and I'm not young anymore. Regardless though, he wore me down (after seriously...like 8 messages asking to accept him. not joke, i went back and counted) and I accepted him.
Over the course of a year, he would randomly ask to see up to date pictures of Santana and he would leave drunken posts on my wall but to all of these I would never reply back. Then it got to get a little out of hand. He would send me pics of his new girlfriend's tattoos and asking my opinion. He would message me about the birth of his new son to let me know he named him Chase (my little brother's middle name...red flag of crazy btw). This month of October he hit the bat shit crazy wall.
He's been calling my phone. I can't even remember how he got my Chicago number. Sending picture texts of his son's first birthday.
Here's the message he sent me on the 25th:
Itta Bit: "man shaunie... i know u prob dnt even bother hearin this bt i jus two dreams about u back to back nites.. tha first one was so fuckin raw it felt so real..and tha second one on tha same shit of how u been acting to meet these past yrs..i ran into u at a mall in richmond and u didnt even wanna speack to me..lol.. bt jus thought it was wierd..u know u say u dnt wanna talk about tha past and i dnt know what makes u think i do bt tha future is so bright for both of us and dnt know y we cant talk about that meanin our our own seperate future.. jus a thought.. peace"
Ugh gross. I didn't respond, I just let it go. He was having a moment. Whatev. I have them too. (I'll touch upon the weak moment I had with Atom later. I know I know.) Then these messages came lastnight....
Itta Bit October 27 at 8:34am
"jus had anotha one about u last nite.. and u told me u wanted to get back together... this shit is really wierd..."
Forewarning October 27 at 10:31am
"Lol"
Itta Bit October 28 at 12:09am
"it was like we was on this game show and u was behind this wall and u said i want to be wit u again and i said i been waitin for that for yrs and then u came runnin into my arms...lmao.. yo mom was there too.... tha otha part of tha dreams was rated R too...lol.. bt stay toon for my halloween pics and let me know what u think"
Forewarning October 28 at 12:18am
"Okay Itta Bit seriously. The calling, the texting, the messages.....I accepted your friend request because I was being polite but I don't want to be friends on facebook and I don't want any phone calls or texts anymore. We're not the same people we were years ago and it doesn't make sense. I'm not trying to be mean and I'm sorry if this is coming off that way. I wish nothing but the best for you okay? Please don't message back. Thanks."
(Was this a nice message. Maybe not. Could I have been more tactful? Yes, but at that moment I was done. For a year I had allowed all this foolishness to happen while trying to remain polite. I. Was. Done.)
Here he goes....he's 32 years old btw....
Itta Bit October 28 at 12:22am
"nigga u aint gotta be poilte to me.. u dont owe me no favors and bitch u want hear shit else frm me again.. yo shit will come back on u.. and thats a promise.."
Forewarning October 28 at 12:24am
"Awesome. Thanks."
I get up from my bed to go to my computer to delete him as a friend on Facebook.
Itta Bit October 28 at 12:29am
"i dont know who u think u is.. i got four kids that is my life rite now so y u think im living back in 03... i guess u got to many friends that u dont need anotha one... peace my nigga"
Fuck outta here....are you kidding.....all that?! Please put your time and effort into worthy things.
Lol...my friend said "He's crazy...you have FOUR kids sir? Really? Dream about they mamas then...", "like umm what do you do in bed...cause clearly...they get hooked"
Lol.....is this picture of my boobs neccessary? Nope. When I'm just hanging in my house I usually wear swimsuits. Weird? Perhaps. They are more comfortable then bras and prettier then sports bras. (Everyone knows that one girls who wears a grey sports bra with every outfit and in your head you imagine it smells like blue cheese....gross. I don't get down like that.)
My friend was over the other day, (her and I work out together) and we were talking about how sad we were going to be when we lose weight because we will lose our 34 D cups. Lol...we talking about our boobs like we were afraid of losing our puppies or a big dick.
I put this pic up because I'm proud of my boobs. They are pretty awesome. Each the perfect handful size.
Dear Lord, when you bless me with the energy to get back to my high school weight. Can you please allow me to keep the girls? Thank you, Amen.
So I went out on a date. Lol. I know. I know. The year is not done. I didn't analyze this one though guys I just went with it...let me explain.
Where I live in Chicago is where the upper middle class of black people live in the city. Professional blacks, corporate, athletes and political. On any good day the gas station I go to will have pretty women in Range Rovers, toothless men in Hoopties and business men standing next to the newest Lexus.
On Saturday, when I pulled up (I drive a 2006 black Saturn Vue. Nothing to get excited about but I'm not rolling in a 92 Honda) I saw this very attractive black man. Tall (6' 2"), chocolate, fresh fade, simple black v-neck tee and black Nike sweats. (I've never been a woman who talked to a man because of his car...ever! It makes me feel dirty but....) He was also standing next to a clean, black Range Rover. For a woman who's favorite color is black, I was on stimulation overdrive.
I went inside to grab an Arizona Mandarin Orange Green Tea and to pay for my gas and while doing that a friend called. As I walked back out to the pump I noticed the tall drink of water was gone. Sigh. But life went on. I was pumping my gas when I heard a "Psk....." coming from my right. I turned and saw him in his car, ushering me over with his hand. I looked at him with a puzzling glare but he kept waving me over. I told my friend I had to go and approached his car. The convo went a little something like this....
Me: Yes...??? (spots a tattoo on his neck and straight white teeth...Sweet Lord)
Him: You aren't supposed to talk on the phone while you're pumping gas. It's really dangerous.
Me: (smile) You are very right actually. Thank you. (are both of his arms tatted? Oh no.)
Him: Now you owe me dinner.......since I saved your life.
Me: (smile again) Again you are right. I sure do. (his eyes are brown like mine)
Him: (smile) what's your name?
(eyes my gold nameplate) Forewarning?
Are you a rapper? (nods to my nameplate) I don't date rappers.
Me: (laugh and smile) No....I'm not a rapper.
Him: You aren't from here are you?
Me: No I'm from Denver........
We chatted for a couple of mins longer, he took down my number and ended up calling later that night...
He was funny and sincere, no gimmicks, no cornball comments. He received checks on his physical demeanor, clean, cut and fresh (not over board with diamonds, studs and chrome) and his voice was deep and engaging. Our exchange was effortless...how could I walk away from that....I mean really?
I was sad when I turned 20. I felt like I was no longer a teenager and that I was officially responsible for my immature actions (when you are 19 and pretty, you can pretty much ride the "ooops I didn't know that cause I'm 19 and pretty" train out of any predicament). The rest of my twenties were great. Boys, fun times, small mistakes.
Now....in 2010, I have come to realization that I'm afraid to be 26. Like afraid. I'm scared that regardless if I want it or not, I may never be a wife, I may never be a parent and I may never reach my goals. My mom said this is the age where people stop listening to your dreams and instead focus on what you've accomplished. That's a lot of pressure for someone who has "Dreaming Issues". Whereas my dad says, your older twenties are still a time to have fun and enjoy your adulthood. You have the rest of your life to be responsible. That I should enjoy the time with out kids and having to hear and consider a husband's opinion.
I'm just scared of being a failure. I'm also afraid I'm not as naturally pretty anymore. It's fine for men to age, even though it seems they don't and I pray 26 is as good to me as my early 20's were.
I've been meaning to post something about my dog for a long time. His name is Santana Moss and he is my heart. He was a gift from Itta Bit my first year of college. He's been with me through everything and I wouldn't be where I am without him.
I chose this pic above because The Joke-ster HATED Santana and this position was called "Balls Up". Santana has slept with me since he was a puppy and I'd often get angry phone calls from my ex saying that he went to go take a nap only to find Santana "balls up" in the bed....lol....that's my boy. The Joke-ster would "joke" that he plotted ways to kill Santana without me knowing but Santana was his nemesis and wouldn't ever die. He said my baby even tried to attack him in his sleep and they had a legendary duel but I never woke up to witness it. (Those are all fond memories I have of The Joke-ster. He always made me laugh)
Anywho, Santana has sinus problems and has been snoring lately, like a 56 grown, fucking man.
Too funny right? My little man. The pic below is him looking out the window. We live on the 13th floor of a high rise yet he looks out the window as if to check and make sure the world was okay. I love him soooooo much!
So my friend (who's like an older sister) and I went on a road trip yesterday to celebrate my birthday. It was just a girls trip out of the city. We went to vintage thrift and antique stores, ate at a great boutique pub by the lake and drove around the little cabin neighborhoods (pointing to every vacation house we would love to have.) I'm starting to grow a rash where I was bit by a "I kinda want the family and marriage life now" bug, but more on that later.
ANYWAYS.............
One of my favorite bloggers posted this long ago and I thought I'd share it with you because I DIE. I DIE A THOUSAND DEATHS.
You guys know I have a secret but kind of obsessive thing with wanting to be a princess. No Seriously...it's kind of bad. How awesome is this cabin????!!!! Awe.some.
I'm seriously having a moment! Can you not see a princess living here waiting for her hot ass Prince Charming to come fuck, I mean rescue her! I know you are going to judge me but please don't....I don't get girly, cliche, geeked out all the time.
My family owns a plot of land in the Rocky Mountains, some sort of historical land that multiple black families owned in the 1800's. I immediately called my aunt (who turned 91 last week) and my mom (who gets to inherit the land when my aunt passes) and asked if I could build this on our family's land. My aunt said yes since there was nothing on it and my mom (BOOOOOO!) said yes but only if I was rolling in dough.
I need to marry a rich man quick...and I mean STAT!
In the mean time I've added this to my list of life goals.
Been gone a while huh? Well there's been a lot going on in my life. Let's talk about how I got laid off from my job on Sep. 14th. I know?! It was super crazy and little nerve wrecking to say the least.
I gave myself 1 day to freak out, cry, be depressed and pray. After that, I got my faith in line and told God I'd follow him anywhere He wanted me to go, and I meant it. Even though people call me a "free spirit", if the spontaneousness isn't within my control it's very unsettling. Any who, God brought me through and things are okay.
