Double fist pump...

I can't wait to beat my kids! To me it's like a right of passage all black children go through. I don't care what society says...I got beat and so will my kids! Would society like it if instead I took my future 9 year old to Kenya and dropped them in the middle of the jungle? Probably not. That's the kind of rights of passage they do over in Africa. Beggers can't be choosy.

Anyway I was talking to my mom and we were reminiscing on all the trouble I got in to as a kid. Here are some highlights....for the record....I pray my future kids turn out just like me...I was a hoot.

3 years old-My mom said I was one of those kids that developed my motor and verbal skills early on....that I was smart and precocious way before my peers. My mom said she was shocked when she got a phone call from my daycare saying I had pushed a rock so far up my nose it wasn't even visible if I tilted my head back. They said that they could feel it in my nasal cavity from the outside and a trip to the emergency was needed. She said I cried at the doctor and told her "I'm very sorry mommy. That hurt and I will never do it again.". The next day when she came to pick me up I was sitting up front with a huge rock up my nose.

Kindergarten- I got in trouble for pretending to fall asleep during nap time. The teacher said she gave me candy but then over heard me gloating that I didn't really fall asleep. Then when she confronted me about it I told her it was her fault that she couldn't tell the difference. Immediate phone call home.

2nd grade-I was really athletic as a kid, a tom-boy but still prissy enough to not like to get my hands dirty. I got the Presidential Fitness award every year in elementary and countless ribbons on field days. My success in sports got me suspended in 2nd grade for 5 says. Since I kept beating everyone in tetherball my teacher told me to take a break from tetherball so other kids could have a turn...my direct response, that left her with her mouth open in shock was......"I don't think so...bitch."

4th grade-I got in trouble and for the first time my mom took my brothers to do something fun while I stayed home to do the dishes. I didn't take that kindly so I packed my personal belongings, trashed my room, wrote a ransom note, took my dogs and ran away to my uncle's house across town.

5th grade-I got in trouble a lot for talking in class. See, while my work was challenging I always tried to see how fast I could get my work done. I would write my best times in pencil on my desk, naturally I was always the first one done. The red lights and write ups I received as consequences were an everyday thing and since my mom had already signed about 60 of them I figured I'd save a step and started to forged her signature. I got caught 6 months later for signing a write up in the girls bathroom.

8th grade-My friend and I cheated on a a math test. The teacher didn't catch us but suspected we had so she was gonna have us take our tests again in a separate room. lol...my friend (who's also black) and I decided to report her for being racist.

9th grade-I had history with 3 of my closet friends, we would pass notices and talk so as punishment we got separated and put in the four corners of the classroom (which only made us mad) So we each assigned ourselves an animal sound and every time to teacher turned around to right something on the board one at a time we would take turns mooing, cockadoodling. This went on for a week cause no one in class would fess up that it was us..it was too funny.

9th grade-We had a gay (in the closet but everyone knew he was gay) Language Arts teacher who was also really mean so during a open conversation about Of Mice and Men, my friends and I (which included The Marine) tried to see how many times we could fit the word gay into the conversation. Ebony had the class after mine and she said he came to class flustered and started crying. My response was that he shouldn't have been so fucking mean.

10 grade-Got sent home cause my friends and I ran through the sprinklers and came to class dripping wet.

10 grade-a friend and I got separated in French class for talking, so during a exercise that involved dry erase boards, kept writing down the most foul, cuss word sentences and held them above our heads for the class to read while the teacher wasn't paying attention.

11 grade- I was captain of the basketball team and as a team we decided we didn't want to practice and all 10 of us told our coach our periods had all synced and we had cramps. He responded like a man would and got flustered and alright, then asked us if we need water or anything.

12 grade- My step dad caught me and Quincy having sex on the couch while we were ditching school.

Lol....weren't some of those funny? Those stories only represent about 15% of the trouble I got into. It was never drugs, or sex or drinking, it was just funny things my friends and I decided to do when our teachers tried to punish us. Who the hell did we think we were?! Lol. I had a lot of issues in my childhood but for the most part it was awesome.