Fucking serious?!

So I'm in a hurry cause I'm late meeting a friend for lunch. I got my heels in one hand, my sunglasses in the other and I'm digging around in my purse for my car keys. It's one of those days where nothing can go wrong cause it's beautiful weather, my car is washed and I'm looking cute!

I push the button to the elevator and still can't find my keys. FINALLY! I locate them just as the elevator arrives and I step in alone.......

WHAT THE FLYING-ROTTEN-EGG-ASS-FUCK???!!!

Who the fuck just got off this elevator? Who ever it was ripped a monster, death filled fart and left it like a crack baby in a trash can.

Immediately I'm mad. I'm fucking offended. EVERYONE KNOWS YOU DON'T FART IN AN ELEVATOR! IT'S SOCIAL COURTESY! Even if your intestines are dripping from your ass...

THEN! I got scared!

PLEASE DEAR GOD.....don't let anyone get on this elevator! Or be there as I'm getting off! They'll think it was me. I start sweating bullets as I nervously count down as I pass floors. 3-2-1.

Whew! I arrive safely at the ground floor and luckily no one is waiting there. I make a mad dash for the door and say another thankful prayer....

Who ever it was that set me the fuck up like that should be lynched.....and as an African American who shouldn't say that...I 100% mean it. Lynched.