Eye...iy....iy....

ALRIGHT........

First let me start off by saying I just got back from my first burlesque show (I had 2 Long Island Iced Teas in 10 mins (blame it on my job) so.....I'm a little tipsy...but if I don't do this now I never will). I've been hinting for a couple of months and now that I'm inebriated a tad...let's call this drunk blogging...the metal walls around my vulnerability are WAY down and I can say what's been on my mind to say for some time.

(inhale....exhale)

I have feelings for someone.

Shocker? Not sure.

Its unclear of what these feelings are but they are feelings and I've had them for quite sometime. Is it love? not sure. Is it lust? Maybe...but does lust last years? not sure.

(inhale....exhale)

I finally came clean to my best friend a couple of days ago and basically told her that over the past few years I've made a lot of bad decisions based on the fact that I've been trying to act like I dont care about him when I do. Ugh. He's such a nerd by the way. He wears khakis for heaven's sake and he doesn't even have TATTOOS! And I've tried. Lord have I tried to pretned like I don't care. I stayed with The Joke-ster for longer the necessary just to prove I was over this guy.

You know how I always say "don't think of yourself as the exception"? Yeah well that's not really a lesson to you...it's a friendly reminder for me. And like I said. With my scales I'm able to believe one thing while thinking something totally different because the two realities never meet. If that makes sense. I have made it be one thing for so long and have pushed the other feelings so far aside that I feel them only twice a year. Every 6 months maybe. I don't do any thing rash of course. I usually rationa;ize the feelings and once I come to my senses again I bury them deep inside.

Plus...if I did ever have the nerve to say...I have feelings for you. How do I also say in the same breath....you are with the better woman?@ I can't cook. Although I'm learning. I'm working hard to add a maid service to my expenses because I hate cleaning. Although I love doing laundry, (it's putting the clothes a way I can't stand). I mean if she cooks and cleans...I can't compete with that! I got tattoos, a sharp tongue and a free spirit. I mean seriously?! We're better off friends....I guess. I've just wanted to get this off my chest before you marry her. Which you probably will even if you don't really want to. Or worse...get her preganant.

I seriously just want to be with my best friend (which I actually consider you to be but have never really admitted it) I feel like while you may be hesitant of me, you still really know me....cause I'm comfortable around you. I'm myself...which is actually pretty shy and timid. WHICH by the way is why I started to distance myself away from you anway. When you made it public that you lie in order for girls to be comfortable around you....lol...douchebag. and what I'm feeling may be an over all lie.

Plus, anytime we've been with each other it's been cheating! And you can't possib;y build a foundation for a relationship off that. Cheating.

Over the years I've asked the Lord to remove this man from my life. Just clear him the hell out. And he's indecisive to boot. (Wait? Did I just type "to boot"?...lol..I'm funny. Even when I'm tipsy.) I think we both feel like each other is the othre's temptation. Our drug. A forbidden fruit. Which may be our attraction all together. We've had the opportunity to try things out when we lived in the same city beofre and never came around to it. And I don't even know how he feels. Like I've said before. I'm a guys girl! I know that if a man really wants you...he'll pursue you! I've had men do it to me on numerous occasions.

Plus I KNOW him. And he knows me. He's a physical person....him and I are physical people. You can't really build a relationship off that right? Off the passion. PLus he's family thinks I'm a hoe! How can I be someone speacial if the mom thinks I'm a hoe. When really I'm not! I swear! It' just my reaction toward her son.

Hell the last time we aw each other he could have said all the things he did just to get me in the sack. Which worked cause he's that guy. That guy that just looks at you and you melt and loose all sense of reason. I keep thinking back when he wanted to hold my hand and because my scales where in such disarray, I pulled my hand away and told him he didnt have to do that...when really I wanted him to want to hold it! Something I've wanted to have happen for years. I just got scared. I get scared of moments like that. I anxiously wait the moment when he's not holding my hand any more, so I'd rather do it on my terms.

See! I may have too many issues. He may have too many issues. It won't work. Him and I...it just win't work.

Whatever. At least I finally got it out. I can't pin point what they are but I do have feelings for him and it's safe to say I think about him way more then I should. I pick up my phone to to text, to call and put it down a million times before I actually do. He's funny. He makes me laugh and I feel good when he's around. We can have sex then talk for hours. Then have sex again and then fall asleep.

Whatever though! I know I can't bury this post but I can still pretend like I never typed it. At least I'm staying true to myself and work ing on the vulnerability walls like I wanted.

Last thought then I'm done. Life is too short to pretend you don;t care! When you are on your dying bed, you won't remember the things you did, you'll remember the things you didn't do. You won't regret the things you did..you'll regret the things you didn't do....

(inhale....exhale)

I think I still may love you j.

-s

Fucking serious?!

So I'm in a hurry cause I'm late meeting a friend for lunch. I got my heels in one hand, my sunglasses in the other and I'm digging around in my purse for my car keys. It's one of those days where nothing can go wrong cause it's beautiful weather, my car is washed and I'm looking cute!

I push the button to the elevator and still can't find my keys. FINALLY! I locate them just as the elevator arrives and I step in alone.......

WHAT THE FLYING-ROTTEN-EGG-ASS-FUCK???!!!

Who the fuck just got off this elevator? Who ever it was ripped a monster, death filled fart and left it like a crack baby in a trash can.

Immediately I'm mad. I'm fucking offended. EVERYONE KNOWS YOU DON'T FART IN AN ELEVATOR! IT'S SOCIAL COURTESY! Even if your intestines are dripping from your ass...

THEN! I got scared!

PLEASE DEAR GOD.....don't let anyone get on this elevator! Or be there as I'm getting off! They'll think it was me. I start sweating bullets as I nervously count down as I pass floors. 3-2-1.

Whew! I arrive safely at the ground floor and luckily no one is waiting there. I make a mad dash for the door and say another thankful prayer....

Who ever it was that set me the fuck up like that should be lynched.....and as an African American who shouldn't say that...I 100% mean it. Lynched.

Deep breath....

Okay so while I've been thinking about the future regarding my career, I'm sure it only makes sense that I've been thinking about my personal future as well. Now I've mentioned before that I'm trying to work through my issues of being vulnerable so I can really open myself up. Since you guys don't really know me, I'm gonna start with you, which will hopefully make it easier when I have to do it with the people in my life. I'm a Libra and finding balance in my life in numero uno and when it comes to relationships I'm divided.

I've met the man at the club, I've had the high school AND college sweethearts and I've done the I'm so in love type of relationships. On one side of my scales I want a relationship with my best friend. I don't wish to get married, I don't wish to have a house with a white picket fence and a bunch of "chillins" running around. I just want to be with a man with INTEGRITY who won't bail on his word when things get hard or dried out.

Then on the other side, I'm okay with being single. If option A doesn't work out, I'm cool with being the older sister from the city that comes to visit home often. I mean I still have the passion for living in other cities and traveling. Lol...I know that's so cliche and I'm sure you are snickering to yourself, thinking you've seen this character numerous times in the movies, but I'm serious! I'd rather be alone enjoying my life then settling for a man just because I didn't want to be THAT woman. My only fear in life is living a life unsatisfactory.

Anyway, I'll close with this and then I'm done. My whole life I've been The Shoulder....The Protector (lol...yes even though I'm a loose cannon or a "free spirit"). People rely on me to lean on. To give them advice. To hold them up while they're weak. To call on. And a lot of my anger outbursts or frustrations stem from trying to rely back on those people but finding them unavailable. The fact that I have no one strong enough to lay myself on when I'm weak wears on me a lot. For 25 years, I've been the concrete pillar that stands alone and it's pretty exhausting. During one of my recent talks with God I broke down crying and told Him....I'm tired. I'm tired of being strong. I'm tired of standing alone....when am I finally going to be able to lean peacefully on someone?

lol..it's crazy but Tracy Morgan said it best when he said "I want a strong woman weak enough to need me.".....I'm totally that woman who is thinking that and vice versa "I want a strong man weak enough to need me."

Wanna know what God said back to me? As plain as day He said to my heart..."You're attracted to men with strong personalities, but you've misinterpreted that strength for being strong willed and strong minded. I have someone in mind. And no you haven't met him yet. Until I reveal him to you....lean on me. Trust in me. Cry on my shoulder. I'm strong enough for you and I will not leave you."

To me, the girl with Daddy issues, and vulnerability issues, that was my Ah Ha moment. Now, when I'm feeling down...instead of calling my mom, instead of calling one of my light skins or best friends, I call a person a little higher up. What my heart wants (which I might get into later) and what my heart needs may become two different things. I guess I'll have to wait and see.

In due time....

7 year goals....

Like I said earlier...there's been a lot of changes happening at work and not for the good. Short story is my supervisor and I really don't get along (blame it on her being a bitch and me not kissing her ass) and while I was in Denver she decided to launch her plan of attack. I came back to being written up, which when I tried to dispute, she literally said to my face... "Dispute denied." She said it with such a straight face if I wasn't on the receiving end of it I would've laughed cause she seriously just tried to Debo me.

Anyway, this situation as further shown me....a: I'm tired of working for mid-level, unprofessional managers. b: I'm tired of working for mid-level, unprofessional managers but I will if I LOVE what I'm doing. and c: I TIRED of working for a FUCKING paycheck. So...I've started to make moves once again to change the course of my life. I've revamped my resume, created an online portfolio and will start applying to junior event planning jobs I wouldn't normally apply too.

Here's my 7 year goals (God willing)...
I want to do event planning for about 5/6 years whether that be with a restaurant, a firm or independently. I also want to get my youth program off the ground. Then....

When I'm around 30/31 years old I want to open an upscale "thrift" furniture boutique and do that and the youth program full time. Then...

When I have that up and stable I want to open up one of those cliche teen hangout spots but I want the feel to be more Kanye then a 50's, soda pop diner. Somewhere I can run the youth program out of but a place where teens can come after school, eat, hangout, play pool, graffiti on the tables, or a venue where their garage bands can come play a set.

I just want to be a staple in the lives of our youth. This generation is so disconnected from what life is supposed to be and I want to try to help them figure it out.

Anyway...those are my future goals...pray for me!

Question....

Random thought but when did people stop saying "I do declare....." ?




Check it out around 9:20...

Been some time egh?

Shit basically hit the fan when I got back to work from my vacation home. To put it simply, my supervisor at work is a not nice lady and has been watching everyone's steps like a hawk. I'm looking into getting a computer soon so hopefully I'll be back to posting blogs on a regular in a couple of weeks. Until then.....stay up.

xxxooo,

Forewarning.

Double fist pump...

I'm back from visiting home and since I stayed with my dad, who has all my younger siblings, I spent the whole time watching cartoons and playing outside. It got me thinking on all the great cartoons I would race home and watch after school. I started to google all their images and caught myself reciting all the intro songs...my all time favorite being dark wing duck.

How many of these songs do you know by heart?

Darkwing Duck

Tiny Toons

Bobby's World

Animaniacs

Johnny Bravo

Goof Troop

Mighty Duck

What would be playing on my iPod...

Homeward bound....

I leave in 6 hours to fly home for a wedding this weekend and I can't wait. When I 'm away in Chicago I have all this time to think about me, who I wanna be and where my life is going. But there's something about going back home to be around the people that love you for who you really are (insert genuine smile). It grounds me. Resets my clock.

I can't wait to be around my younger brothers. They are the most wannabe thugs I've ever met but I appreciate them and their sense of humor when I come home. We usually sit on the couch and make fun of my mom while she's in the kitchen complaining about something.

I can't to hear my little sisters (did I mention I was the oldest of 7? 2 younger brothers, 4 younger sisters) say my name over and over and over again as they show me the latest toy or the newest trick they've learned since I last visited.

I can't wait to joke about the stupidest things with Ivory....we're planning on seeing Sex and the City 2, although I've already seen it (it wasn't the same with out my real best friends. I won't see Ebony cause she'll be coming to visit me in the Chi in two weeks...yay!

I also can't wait to see my dog Lucky he's a Rottweiler and protector of the house. He also sleeps with me when I'm home.

Since the wedding is on my dad's side of the family I won't be able to have the traditional sleepovers with my mom. I could actually cry about that. My mom is my best friend. My soul mate. Even though we talk everyday, when I'm in town I sleep in her bed cause we often have conversations late in to the night. Lol...I know I'm too old and that may be weird but it's like eating a home cooked meal when I sleep in her bed. I can finally take a deep breath.

My heart may be in Chicago, but my soul is definitely in Colorado. Je vous aime votre famille. xxxooo

Hawt....

So I was talking to my cousin about my post below and she was asking me if I had a type of man . I told her not really, that I'm attractive to a lot of different types of men but the only thing I really look for is a man tall enough and muscular enough to make me feel petite. We both decided though that if we had to judge a man's attractiveness based on his job...these were the professions who no matter if you were good looking or not, you were attractive to women(if that makes any sense...)

Soccer Players

Firemen

Marines

and last was a drummer for me and a bass/guitar player for her.

The reason I don't have a picture of these men proves my point even further, that you don't have to be good looking to be attractive. I googled drummer and bass player and they were all gross looking, but whenever I hear a song by a band, I always wish I could date the drummer.

I can admit it....

I figured it out! Dreads likes the Becky and you know what? That's okay. I'm cool with admitting that there are some men who just won't be attracted to me cause I'm not their type. I can't compete with white women, latinas and mixed females cause we are all on different attractive levels. They can't compete with my ass and I can't compete with their...I don't know...long torsos. Just like a gamer can't compete with an athletic man with me. It just ain't gonna happen. Although I'm starting to grow out of judging a man on his follow through. Someone who was on the debate team in high school isn't so bad.

Plus, I don't want to be with someone who doesn't really appreciate my body cause it's definitely different then a white chicks body. Anyway thought I'd let y'all know. The Dreads chapter has been written.

Oh and for the record (lol...which totally sounds like I'm being a hater) but my crush was fading fast cause he has a DECKED out '97, two door, silver, Honda Civic, complete with black rims and wears sunglasses at night so seriously? How was that really gonna last?

He can still dress his ass off in corporate attire and that accent is still pretty attractive...just sayin.

What would've been playing on my iPod....

Because I work with rental lofts, we draw in a lot of people with a creative design aesthetic. There's a guy in the building who was in this Indie band called Ludo. I took a liking to these two songs.....enjoy.

You can see him in this video in the black beanie around (0:35)....He is the coolest white boy I've ever met and now I kinda have a crush on him cause he's funny and goofy and a rock star!!!

Just a couple of questions....

I was flipping through a friend's photos on Facebook and was very interested to know at what point does it become not fly to dip a dirty toothbrush in a pot of black gel in order to slick down your "baby" hairs? Is there an age? Like 14. Or a year? Like 1995.

Why is this man still relevant? He was lame as Brandi's little brother in 1992. He was lame when he made that song Wait A Minute in 2001 and he was SUCH a lame on his reality show (that I didn't even bother watching) in 2009. I mean he's been a fake thug his whole life....why hasn't someone roasted his ass so he can sit the eff down already?

So I just read that whoever this above was saying not so nice things about black women in Vibe magazine. Why do people care what he said? He still has the nerve to sport braids and his broken edges and hair line are touching the nape of his neck. Him and his words don't count! AS a community I'm encouraging you to be role models for our youth cause this here ain't cutting it. Our role models were Michael Jordan and Bill Cosby when I was young. As Americans I know we can do better then this.

Click here to read a reaction to this man's ignorant comments. I felt very proud after I read it.

Sexual tension.........

So I went to a friends house for a dinner party last night, but since she's a mom it ended around 10. I went to sleep as soon as I got home but woke up later to a feeling/sensation I know very well....

When I haven't had sex in a while my body and my mind go through a severe case of sexual tension. My mind races, thinking of all the things I'd do if a man (a particular man, if I'm being honest) was in my bed and I'm wet all the time. My breathing is reduced to short breaths, my legs remained crossed to create tension and I usually can't focus on anything else but sex....like this sex. I could easily touch myself get it over with but it won't suffice. I usually have a routine when my body is going through this, which happens once every 2 months. I usually text someone (a particular someone). He usually talks up what he'd do to me if he were there, (I'd wish I could hear his voice but know it's not possible). He'd eventually get me so horny I touch myself and cum as if he really twere. Then, since I'm Forewarning and my appetite is rather large, I'd repeat the process twice more.

The only thing that's different this time is I'm really trying to wean myself off him.

I've put him on the shelf like 8 times and since he's there again I'm trying to remain strong and keep him there. He's not mine to lean on any more and like I've said before, I can't keep making the same mistakes. It sucks though...and if I really dive into this topic, this post is going to be way longer and more revealing then I wanted it to be. I've been contemplating for months whether or not I've wanted to talk about it (just to stay true to myself, my blog and the vulnerability I said I was going to tap into).

However, my Libra scales are violently going up and down and I can't really handle this so I'll stick with what I know best and what makes me comfortable and keep it just about sex.

Anyway...The whole point of the post is I'm horny as shit and I can't think about anything till this tension is released....arg!

What used to play on my iPod.....Sideburn Edition

(My FAVORITE Ahsanti song)

Some say the x make the sex spec-tacular,

Let me lick you from yo neck to yo back.

Then ya, shiverin', tongue deliverin'

Chills up that spine, that ass is mine

Skip the wine and the candlelight, no Cristal tonight

If its alright wit' you, we fuckin (that's cool)

Deja vu, the blunts sparked, finger fuckin in the park

Pissy off Bacardi Dark

Remember when I used to play between yo legs

You begged for me to stop because you know where it would head

Straight to yo mother's bed

At the Mariott, we be lucky if we find a spot next to yo sister

Damn I really miss the way she used to rub my back when I hit that

Way she used to giggle when yo ass would wiggle

Now I know you used to sweets at the Parker Meridian, trips to the Carribean

But tonight, no ends

I think I like how your body feel next to me

Aw baby when you kissing me, aw baby when you loving me

I can't describe what I want to do to you tonight

Aw baby when you come to me, I'll make it so you'll never leave

Can you rock with me (aw baby)

Non-stop with me (stop with me)

Can you take it to the top with me

I just wanna love you babe (love ya babe)

Always thinking of you babe (wanna love you babe)

Can you roll with me (ooh baby)

All over me (over me)

Can you take control of me

I just wanna love you baby (love you babe)

Always thinking of you baby

See I don't know if I can handle you as just a friend

Aw baby I can't pretend, aw baby I'm so far in

But I don't mind as long as I could have you in my life

Aw baby I'm satisfied, even if you're not just mine

Guy friend gone wrong.....

ARG!!!!

Okay.....(deep breath and shake off the willies...brrrrr)....I have this friend from high school in town training cause he's a professional soccer player. He's tall...African....and not at ALL attractive to me. I mean we grew up together and because he used to terrorize me in high school I see him as an older brother. He's really straight laced so I call him when I need a proper guy's advice on love and life.

Now...he had a crush on me in high school but I figured...we're older...he has a lot more female options since he's a pro athlete, not to mention I hooked up with his friend (The Marine) years ago. Needless to say...I thought he had moved on.

Nope. Dead. Effing. Wrong.

I've preached about chick's not think they were the exception when it came to men out of their league loving them but I should have took my own advice and realized whenever a guy has had the urge to bone you once...that feeling never goes away...ever!

Hint #1. (ooo wait he needs a nickname!!!! Let's call him Pele) Pele lived with me for about 2 months back in Nov and Dec while he was training. Everything was all good until one day he decided he was gonna come in my room and randomly get in bed with me. I immediately jumped to fuck out of my bed and questioned why the hell he would do that...half jokingly...half dead serious. Obviously I over looked it.

Hint #2. During Memorial Day weekend a couple of weeks ago he asked me to come hang with his good looking soccer friends while we watched one of his Maybe-Girlfriends play soccer on The Redstars in Chi. The style of top I had on was loose and was supposed to casually "fall" off my body. He apparently couldn't handle the skin I was showing and started cock blocking all night with random sexually explicit remarks like..."Dang Forewarning I'm tired let's head to your house". UHHHH WTF Pele?! I joking laughed it off and told his friends his ass was really going home with them!

Hint #3. and something I can no longer shake off! We went to another game last night to watch this really chick play, except this time his teammates were out of town. The whole way there I picked his brain about some another guy and the whole time there he would pick out girls he would bone and I would tell him if I thought they were cute.. At the end of the night I dropped him off at his training facility which is this big ass indoor soccer-land building. He took me on a tour which was pretty cool and when we got back to my car is was hella dark.

Now if I was with a man I was really attracted I would have said..Ooo it's chilly...just so I could set up an opportunity for a kiss. Instead I said...Whew I'm tired and start walking briskly to the car. He proceeded to walk up behind me and put his arms around me and pushed his pelvis into my ass!!!!! EWWWWWWWWWWW!

We all know what that means!!!!! If you are with really attractive man and he grabs you around the waist, pulls you into him and places his head by your ear...you're supposed to raise your ass up so he came press into it a little bit (I call that a Flick Up). It's like a mutual understanding that yes there's sexual energy....but as a man YOU DON'T DO THAT UNLESS YOU ARE 99.99% SURE you could dick down the chick right then and there. If that's not the situation, the close proximity of your dick makes her feel super super dirty and cheap.

When he did that I wanted to stop at the nearest motel to take a shower. I felt so gross. I Shrieked out loud..said gross Pele and ran to my car. He later texted me and said sorry for getting frisky <----BTW I would never let a man touch me if he ever used to word frisky. I ended up not responding to him. It was definitely a situation of a guy friend gone wrong and I am truly scared from it......tough tough lesson learned.

Sweet baby Jesus...

Is it just me or does anyone else get a flash of instant anger when you're trying to watch a video on line and you're hit with "buffering"???!!!

The first time it happen I was like ...Oh Lord...

The second time I was like...Gimme a break!

And the third time it happened I wanted to back hand the FUCK out of a baby Poodle I was so mad!

I posted this to give it time to load but seriously...my blood pressure is still at a record high.

Woooo saaaaa....

Mourning a loss....

Are you guys familiar with the term Phantom Limb? Phantom Limb is the sensation that an amputated limb is still attached and a functional part of the body.

My personal computer died on me a couple of months ago and it was pretty traumatic. It would've been worse but I had saved all my files to a jump drive a couple of weeks before. The only thing I really lost was access to my iTunes, which contained over 6,000 songs (thanks Limewire). Since Geek Squad confirmed they could easily transfer my iTunes over to whichever new computer I bought, I figured I could live off my iPod till then.

Now I know I don't have to explain how much iPods mean to their owners, I mean it's like an extended limb. Well my iPod has DIED and left a giant whole in my heart. I feel like how I imagine I would feel if my 89 yeard old aunt died or if hostess stopped manufacturing Twinkies. It's like I have Phantom Limb.....like it's still alive and with me. I swear I can still hear the faint sound of music in my head.

I'm so crushed I don't even have to want to go buy another one. Why God....why? (insert tear here)

You better back to eff down....

I in love with Harry Potter. Actually no...I'm IN LOVE with Ron Weasley but I love the Harry Potter movies. Yes I'm 25. Yes I'm black. And yes....if you try to even to sarcastically smirk at the thought, me and my wizard friends will kick your none believing, extra ordinary, Muggle ass. For those of you who are fans, here's the preview for the next installment in the HP series!

I done seen....

I went on a TWO hour walk of the city yesterday...

these are the things I saw....
(this is why my heart is in Chicago)

-Lake Michigan

-a mime
-a ventriloquist
-a man dressed as a white angel
-4 synchronized chess games

-a tango class in the park
-a lion wearing a Blackhawk helmet

-an outdoors wedding
-kids playing in water
-6 fountains

-someone who fell off a boat (now that was funny)
-an army of Segways

-countless historical statues
-a thousand people in love
-a 3 person bike

-a trio of street musicians
-a palm reader
-a heard of butterflies

-a party furry boat
-daddies taking pictures of their daughters
-and a movie in the park

-a red dinosaur

-and a protest

What did you see today?

Playing on my iPod....

My creation...not bad egh?

I just wanted to post the pics of the photo shoot I created. The girls were all great and I realized I love being behind the camera. Being an Art Director is my life goal. My next project is either a dodgeball tournament or a youth summer program.

Summer has arrived....

Chicago has been having the perfect weather lately (80 degrees of sun and a slight breeze...perfect sun dress and wedges type of weather) but it still hasn't felt like summer. Last year, when I was working as a summer camp director, the kids and I were outside all the time. I figured I wasn't feeling summer-like because I now work in a 9-5 birdcage inside.

ARG right?! So while I was thinking about what was missing it finally clicked!!!!! Slurpees!

A Slurpee was what was missing from my sunny days. It made me miss Ivory even more cause whenever we went to lay out back at home, we would get in one of our trucks, throw on our shades, blasting this song (I got models in the mosh pit, dancing off beat but they know the words to my shit)....



on the way to pool with our VS PINK towels, magazines and Slurpees.

When I finally took my lunch break I raced to 7Eleven. I walked in and got my half Cherry, half Pina Colda Slurpee WITH A PINK STRAW (Since I was 5 I have always sipped my Slurpees through pink straws. It's tradition I plan on riding out till the day I die). As I left I FINALLY felt my summer kick in! No seriously! I got back to my Vue, put on my sunglasses, rolled the windows down, turned up my music and went to get my car washed.

I'm enjoying one now...as I start to walk the streets of Chi....ahhhhh life tastes sooooo good! lol.

Yes....I lay out....

I'm a black chick that lays out. That's right I said it. I'm a black female who likes laying in the sun to get "tan". Because if my heritage, my hair and skin get really brown almost red during the summer and all my little imperfections on my body fade into the background.

Judge me if you want but my skin looks pretty fab....

And I wear it well, on my Libra scale....

The symbol associated with Libra is the scales of balance, representing the balance Libras continually seek within themselves and their life. Libra is the only inanimate sign of the zodiac, (all the others representing either humans or animals. Many astrologers regard it as the most desirable of zodiacal types. Librans are among the most civilized of the twelve zodiacal characters and are often good looking.


They have elegance, charm, good taste, are naturally kind, very gentle, and lovers of beauty, harmony and the pleasures that these bring.

Libras are able to stand back and look impartially at matters which call for an impartial judgment but they do not tolerate argument from anyone who challenges their opinions. It takes them a while but once they have made a decision, its truth seems to them self-evident;

Librans are sensitive to the needs of others and have the gift, sometimes to an almost psychic, in understanding the emotional needs of their companions and meeting them with their own innate optimism - they are the kind of people of whom it is said, "They always make you feel better for having been with them." They are very social human beings.


They loathe cruelty, viciousness and vulgarity and detest conflict between people, so they do their best to cooperate and compromise with everyone around them.

Their cast of mind is artistic rather than intellectual. They have good perception and observation and their critical ability, with which they are able to view their own efforts as well as those of others, gives their work integrity.

In their personal relationships they show understanding of the other person's point of view, trying to resolve any differences by compromise, and are often willing to allow claims against themselves to be settled to their own disadvantage rather than spoil a relationship.


They like the opposite sex to the extent of promiscuity.


Libra marriages, however, stand a good chance of success because they are frequently the union of "true minds". The Libran's continuing kindness toward his or her partner mollifies any hurt the latter may feel if the two have had a tiff. Nor can the Libran's spouse often complain that he or she is not understood, for the Libran is usually the most empathetic of all the zodiacal types and the most ready to tolerate the beloved's failings.

The negative Libran character may be changeable and indecisive, impatient of routine, colorlessly conventionance. Seldom angry when circumstances demand a show of annoyance at least yet Librans can shock everyone around them with sudden storms of rage.

I guess I forgot....

I wanna start drawing again. Before I became an adult with bills and worries, I painted. Was I good? I'm not sure. But it made me feel good. Like eating sundaes on Sundays or going to state fairs and winning big stuffed animals.

As adults we get trapped in the day to day trials of adulthood that we forget those small things

we did as kids that made us happy.

Retrace your steps to figure them out for your self.

Sorry again...

I'm apologizing again for going M.I.A. The computers at work all got viruses and since it cost an arm and a leg to fix, our browsing history was under close surveillance. My personal computer died on me about 3 months ago but I'm looking to by another one in the coming weeks so I'll be able to post my thoughts on a regular basis again.....yay.

Oh and since I'm almost done studying for my real estate license, a mandatory requirement for my profession in Chicago, I've have even more time to blog.

xoxo Forewarning

Sugar,spice and everything nice....

So I spent the last couple of days reading over my blog and while I would say it is a very good representation of who I am (my saucy, spicy side) it doesn't show the soft side not many people see. I think it would a great challenge for me to remove the layers that protect my vulnerability.


Here are a couple of things not even the people around me know I love...

I think hand-written love letters or stickies are really romantic...

I'm in love with the movies when a man said I-Love-You he meant it.

I've never been kissed in the rain...

I want to live in Paris for a year...

I'm secretly infatuated with antique keys....my uncle was a sheriff in the 30's and my aunt still has his old keys from work...

I want to build an awesome fort one last time...