Playing on my iPod....

Playing on my iPod....

Ohhhhh nooooo!

http://bossip.com/251767/sextra-she-has-no-walls/#more-251767

I've heard of women being loose but I didn't know some were built without walls!!!! I pray to God this isn't how I'm built...I'm about 99.99% sure I'm not but those women are walking around thinking they aren't either!!!!!

Here's one of the comments from the strand that stuck out to me....(yikes!!!!!)


"Men talk about this (barber shop talk). I know I’m going to catch some heat for this but hey I’ve got to Keep it Real. lol I think 2 or 3 out of 10 women have this problem. The number of sexual partners has something to do with it but an old timer gave me a simple explanation. Some women are just built close and some are not. It’s genetics. Some women are built so tight that you have to slow down come up for air after a few minutes and some women are so loose you could s e x them for hours and not have one orgasm during intercourse. I have heard about the Vaginoplasty and don’t know if it works or not. But the kegel exercises don’t do much.
Whenever you see a really beautiful woman, great personally, great career, cook clean ect…. and she can’t keep a man. This is probably the main cause. A man is not going to stay with a woman that fills like he just entered the deep tunnel project when they have sex."

OH MY GOODNESS....HOW SAD!

Playing on my iPod...White People Edition...

lol...I'm such a nerd for liking this song but I do.

One of my favorite bands...

My favorite part at is 2:24

This song makes me want to date a drummer.

So yeah....there you go....I'm sure I loose cool points but that's alright....I wanted this blog to represent me to the fullest and now it does....lol

Scouts honor....

One of my maintenance guys came down to the office today all flustered because he went to do a service request in this woman's apartment and the first thing he noticed was a dildo on the bed. Women. If you have a dildo keep it hidden! It's not bad or anything, it's just not a good look.

What's that? Do I have a dildo?

Lol....no honey. I don't have a dildo.

Why?

Here's my problem with dildos.

Reason #1. Dildos were made as substitutions in the absence of a dick. I don't need replacement dick. If I wanted a real one, I'd go get one. It may be difficult to believe but I go months without sex. Last time I had sex was April 2010, before that it was Nov. 2009, before that it was Aug. 2009 and before that it was Dec. 2008.

I let sex happen naturally (within my moral compass). If it doesn't happen, it doesn't, and if it doesn't, I have my index and middle fingers to help me along the way. Give me 30 seconds, my fingers, my clit and a little wiggle and I'll cum on cue. I don't even finger myself, I'd like to think that I maintain my tightness during my sexual down times, especially with the help of Keggle exercises.

Reason #2. If a real dick is not around, some women find satisfaction out of not having to put in work, to achieve orgasms, on a regular basis. For me, I don't reach orgasm every time I have sex (I last came in April and before that in Aug). Which has taught me to love sex for what it is. If I cum during, it's the sweet, sweet cherry on top. Some women cum often and I would hate for that to happen to me. Like having every Monday be New Year's Eve. After a while the build up becomes mundane and who the hell wants mundane sex with a battery operated machine that looks like a cross between a purple elephant trunk and latex crustacean....gross.

I've put some thought into this though and the only time I'd allow a dildo in my presence is if my man wanted to watch me use it on myself or if he wanted to use it on me (oh and let me state for the record that that would be the ONLY time I'd be naked with two dicks in the same room.) I'm always up for trying new things....with in reason of course. Anal? I don't think so.

Cried like a fucking baby...

Okay...if you haven't seen Rudy, as a person you need too. If you have dreams you'll be one step closer to achieving them cause this movie is inspirational as fuck. I won't explain the whole movie in a nutshell cause I couldn't do it justice even if I wanted to.

The reason I'm even blogging about it is the moment at 0:15. Do you see how happy his dad is? If you remember the movie you'll know why this shit is heart breaking...the only reason why Rudy fought so hard to suit up, to finally make it on the field, is because he wanted to make his dad proud. At 0:15 he achieved his goal.

After I wiped my cry baby ass tears after the movie went off I thought...

My mom is SO proud of me...there couldn't possibly be anything I could do that would cause her to jump up and down and cry like Rudy's dad did. I mean she'd be happy if I got married, or landed a big event to plan or even when I had my first born child, but really...a time where she'd jump up and down crying? Nope.

Then it hit me like a ton of bricks....She would fall the fuck out if she was ever able to attend my college graduation (I'm about to cry as I'm writing this because I can literally see her hysterically crying as they say my name and I look up and wave at her).

If you know me you know I refuse to graduate college. I attended college for 3 years but I don't want a diploma or the title "College Graduate". There's lots of reasons why but it basically comes down to that fact that I hate being told what to do and being told to do it a certain way in order to succeed. If we needed to get to point A to point B and while driving you told me to turn right. I would turn left twice and would still get us to point B on time just to prove a point. Even if I was planning on turning right in the first place.

That's what I felt like people were doing when it came to college. Go to college, graduate, land a great job, meet another college graduate, have graduate little babies and live happily ever after. Your diploma is the key to life's success! I believe in knowledge and I believe the most successful people are readers (which you do a lot of in college) but if someone is going to base the success of MY life on a piece of paper then I will work 10 times as hard to succeed without it.

So during the years when my peers were in college classes, I spent my time reading the same text books they were reading in class but then took that knowledge and implemented it while gaining work experience in sales, leadership roles and a real world portfolio. I was making $43,000 at 22 years old. Was I able to get jobs that required a degree? Like an art teacher? No. So I changed my goals. I would bet you money that I could rely on my work experience to run my own art focused summer camp or after school program that would touch just as many kids as a teacher AND....I wouldn't have a bosses cause it would be mine.

ANYWAY...I've decided to go back to school to be a college graduate because my mom deserves that pure moment of happiness. I won't say that's all she's ever wanted for me but her children having diplomas is why she worked so hard to provide for us as kids. That was her dream. Last night I realized that I've been so concentrated on living my life, according to me, I've forgot the unconditional love and support she's given me that has helped make me me (she still deposits $50 in my bank account twice a month even though I've been paying my own bills since 18).

Today I enrolled in the University of Mass online programs for a BA in Art Management and a certificate program for Event Management. My first day of class is July 5th. I'm not planning on telling her I'm back in college, I'm just gonna send her my graduation announcement in the mail. I love my Mama and her happiness means more to me the my principles.

Oh and I'm sure there's a reader who's like "Forewarning needs to go back to college to learn to use comma placement. Her blog's just one run on sentence.".

To them I say...I WRITE HOW I WRITE BEE-ITCH!!!! Get the fuck outta here.

Free spirit hmmmm....

Within the past 24 hours or so I've had 2 different people describe me as a free spirit. I'm not sure why but my initial reaction was a negative one. What about me says free spirit?

When I think of free spirit I think of some chick who believes in fairies, uses crystals as deodorant and loves to dance for the rain Gods in a field of Jasmine flowers. Is that what you think of? I typed free spirit into Google Images and the picture above popped up, along with eagles flying in the wind, purple horses running on beaches and lots of women twirling around.

I don't fucking twirl people. I don't twirl my gum, my chair or around and I'm tempted to clothesline any person I see twirling....including children.

I can see their train of thought since I don't follow the rules but I don't see how my life and decisions are so far fetched from how other people live their lives. Is it? I make myself happy first and pray the people who's opinions matter most still love me after the fact. I've lived life as other people's opinions and still struggle with it, but I'd rather be miserable as myself, then happy as some one's mold statue.

Anyway I Googled the definition of a free spirit and one result said.... "If you describe someone as a free spirit, you admire them because they are independent and live as they want to live rather than in a conventional way."....

Fuck. I guess that is me. I am very independent (not in a feminist, dildo having kind of way...I just provide things for myself without relying on other people; knowledge, material things and self worth.) and I do live life as I want (not in a hippie kind of way but my dreams don't follow the college, wife, mother path).

Instead of saying I was wrong, I went to the place I always go to set myself straight....dictionary.com and typed in free spirit and guess what it said!

"a person with a highly individual or unique attitude (believes in fairies), lifestyle (crystal deodorant), or imagination (dances for the rain Gods in a field of Jasmine flowers)" I WAS RIGHT!!!

BUT...I'm sure that's not the last time I'll be called a free spirit and I guess that's better then being called regular and extra ordinary so I'll take it with a smile...but I won't like it. Label me as original or a loose canon....

Shockingly expensive....

So I've gone over and over in my head trying to decide which episode of family guy I like the most and found it be exhausting so I found my favorite scene to share....

Classic moment #1: "Lois don't get alarmed but I think I might be Jesus...I'm Jesus."

Classic Moment#2: Peter's mischievous, continuous laugh

Classic Moment #4: "Yes I am Lois but wheeeere?"

Classic Moment #5: throw in a pun "Yes you might say it was shock-ing-ly expensive"

Classic Moment #6: "...decoys Lois...decoys!"



this one's funny too...Peter's set up is hilarious..."...It was my understanding that everyone had heard..."

Double fist pump...

I can't wait to beat my kids! To me it's like a right of passage all black children go through. I don't care what society says...I got beat and so will my kids! Would society like it if instead I took my future 9 year old to Kenya and dropped them in the middle of the jungle? Probably not. That's the kind of rights of passage they do over in Africa. Beggers can't be choosy.

Anyway I was talking to my mom and we were reminiscing on all the trouble I got in to as a kid. Here are some highlights....for the record....I pray my future kids turn out just like me...I was a hoot.

3 years old-My mom said I was one of those kids that developed my motor and verbal skills early on....that I was smart and precocious way before my peers. My mom said she was shocked when she got a phone call from my daycare saying I had pushed a rock so far up my nose it wasn't even visible if I tilted my head back. They said that they could feel it in my nasal cavity from the outside and a trip to the emergency was needed. She said I cried at the doctor and told her "I'm very sorry mommy. That hurt and I will never do it again.". The next day when she came to pick me up I was sitting up front with a huge rock up my nose.

Kindergarten- I got in trouble for pretending to fall asleep during nap time. The teacher said she gave me candy but then over heard me gloating that I didn't really fall asleep. Then when she confronted me about it I told her it was her fault that she couldn't tell the difference. Immediate phone call home.

2nd grade-I was really athletic as a kid, a tom-boy but still prissy enough to not like to get my hands dirty. I got the Presidential Fitness award every year in elementary and countless ribbons on field days. My success in sports got me suspended in 2nd grade for 5 says. Since I kept beating everyone in tetherball my teacher told me to take a break from tetherball so other kids could have a turn...my direct response, that left her with her mouth open in shock was......"I don't think so...bitch."

4th grade-I got in trouble and for the first time my mom took my brothers to do something fun while I stayed home to do the dishes. I didn't take that kindly so I packed my personal belongings, trashed my room, wrote a ransom note, took my dogs and ran away to my uncle's house across town.

5th grade-I got in trouble a lot for talking in class. See, while my work was challenging I always tried to see how fast I could get my work done. I would write my best times in pencil on my desk, naturally I was always the first one done. The red lights and write ups I received as consequences were an everyday thing and since my mom had already signed about 60 of them I figured I'd save a step and started to forged her signature. I got caught 6 months later for signing a write up in the girls bathroom.

8th grade-My friend and I cheated on a a math test. The teacher didn't catch us but suspected we had so she was gonna have us take our tests again in a separate room. lol...my friend (who's also black) and I decided to report her for being racist.

9th grade-I had history with 3 of my closet friends, we would pass notices and talk so as punishment we got separated and put in the four corners of the classroom (which only made us mad) So we each assigned ourselves an animal sound and every time to teacher turned around to right something on the board one at a time we would take turns mooing, cockadoodling. This went on for a week cause no one in class would fess up that it was us..it was too funny.

9th grade-We had a gay (in the closet but everyone knew he was gay) Language Arts teacher who was also really mean so during a open conversation about Of Mice and Men, my friends and I (which included The Marine) tried to see how many times we could fit the word gay into the conversation. Ebony had the class after mine and she said he came to class flustered and started crying. My response was that he shouldn't have been so fucking mean.

10 grade-Got sent home cause my friends and I ran through the sprinklers and came to class dripping wet.

10 grade-a friend and I got separated in French class for talking, so during a exercise that involved dry erase boards, kept writing down the most foul, cuss word sentences and held them above our heads for the class to read while the teacher wasn't paying attention.

11 grade- I was captain of the basketball team and as a team we decided we didn't want to practice and all 10 of us told our coach our periods had all synced and we had cramps. He responded like a man would and got flustered and alright, then asked us if we need water or anything.

12 grade- My step dad caught me and Quincy having sex on the couch while we were ditching school.

Lol....weren't some of those funny? Those stories only represent about 15% of the trouble I got into. It was never drugs, or sex or drinking, it was just funny things my friends and I decided to do when our teachers tried to punish us. Who the hell did we think we were?! Lol. I had a lot of issues in my childhood but for the most part it was awesome.

Playing on my iPod...

Can he touch you like that, and make you make you feel like this?
How I left and came back and it's still like this
Do he hit it from the back and make you feel it yo chest
Take advantage of what your concealing in yo dress
What, he think he too fresh to show that you the best
Compliment you on your intellect and treat you wit respect
Give you sex till you sweat, tongue kissing on yo neck
It's been awhile since she got it like this I bet
I can tell you ain't just another bitch I met
Ain't nobody got me open like this, not yet
You confused ain't decided which way you should go yet
So how you keep saying no with yo panties so wet

Shut the fuck up....

Let me paint you a picture. I'm sitting upright in my office chair at work, typing on the computer but on the inside, I am slumped in my chair, with my head cocked back, saying a miserable uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, while asking the Lord whyyyyyy???

I work with this 47 year old, middle eastern woman and the bitch is sick alllllllllllll the time. ALL THE FUCKING TIME! I'm not talking about sniffles, I'm talking about dog allergies, gallstones, asthma, swollen tongue, dust allergies, watery eyes, mosquito bite infections, paper cuts, rashes from laundry detergent, back problems, chest pain, period cramps, bladder pains, dizziness.....I MEAN EV.ER.Y.THING!

The worst thing about it is she spends most of the day siting in her office updating the whole office on the details of her ailments and it's driving me IN fucking SANE. She's been on medication since 87 and apparently her body has become immune to them so it's hard for her to find a cure. Her doctor of 20 years got his license taken away for malpractice because he was giving her medicine that wasn't curing her or some shit. I'm sure he didn't go of his way to make her more sick, he just stopped giving a fuck! Do you know how far you'd have to push a doctor where he started to not give a fuck about his medical license cause he just gave up? Pretty damn far.

One time, during one of her ramblings, I was secretly watching an online episode of Glee. I was so close to saying, "Seriously? Seriously? I can't take it anymore, if you are so fucking sick, please, please just kill yourself. I'm so serious. My ears are bleeding. If your body is slowly "shutting down" let's meet it half way! I can give you a Pine Sol cocktail and an overdose amount of Tylenol pills, just give me 3 minutes...tops! If not, then please, for my well being, shut THEE FUCK up."

I didn't though, instead I kept nodding my head and inserting an occasional mmmm hmmmm.....I'm a christian after all, we are supposed to care about everyone, the healthy and the ill.

Missing the sensitivity chip...

There's little things in life that make me happy...driving through rain puddles, cleaning a dirty windshield and buying office supplies.

Then there are those things in life that I absolutely HATE doing...getting gas, picking my dog's poo off sidewalks, (I usually leave the shit there cause picking it up it is a waste of MY time. The only reason I'm supposed to do it is to be respectful of other patrons but people keep giving Asian senior citizens driving licenses without respecting the fact that it pisses me off so I like to call it even) but the one thing I hate doing more then anything is saying oooo, ahhh while pretending to give a flying fuck about photographs being shown to me by my residents at work.

There's this one couple that comes in my office ALL THEE time, with pictures from their many adventures and it completely ruins my day. He's like Sondra's husband from The Cosby's and she's a sweet but severely over weight white chick. The series of photos that sent me over the edge lately was from their wedding last weekend.

You see, my brain finds jokes in EVERY situation. I mean it took all of my energy, concealing my laughter from the secret, politically incorrect jokes I was making about them! The candid, romantic, wedding pictures they were showing us happened to feature a crackhead cousin, with crackhead cornrows, who kept popping up in the corner of all the pictures like Where's Waldo. I mean did they really expect me to over look this ashy ass man who kept looking dead in the camera with his sleepy crack eyes? With every picture my mind came up with better jokes then the last. It's like showing a sexual predator pictures of little kids and expecting him not to pop a boner. It was really selfish, thoughtless and unreasonable on their part.

I mean I don't show people pictures from my aunt's baby shower where our special ed cousin kept giving the camera the finger from the corner where my grandmother parked him. You know why? Cause it's super funny but wrong to make fun of.

Okay that last part was an absolute lie. Lol...I really don't have a special ed cousin but can you imagine how funny it would be if I did? Lol...Oh my goodness! I would spend the entire time whispering things in his ear that would make him mad so he kept flipping the camera off. That would be hella funny!

Playing on my iPod....

Lips like licorice...

Tongue like candy...

Excuse me miss...

but can I get you out your panties?

This is my favorite treadmill song right now....it's cute and fun...keeps me running...ya dig?

Judgy Wudgy was a bear....

What the fuck is going on with this man's hair?! How much nerve does it take for someone to try and braid that small amount or hair and then turn it into a side pony (I never want to type the words side pony again in my life...I just wasted brain cells) and don't even get me started on the forehead finger waves.

I've looked these pictures over a couple of times and have come to the conclusion that this man is in a court room pretending he doesn't understand what he's being charged with (his green jumper could be a nurse uniform but I'd be willing to wager my terrific looks and witty personality that that's not the case). I'm also gonna take an educated guess and say the charges he's facing are robbery and arson.... going strictly off of his edges, he looks like he's used to burning shit up.

Black people...we have to come together as a community to stop these random acts of fuckery from happening. No seriously....this is not Hood Chic...this is straight Ghe-Toe.

I'm back BITCHES!!!!!!!

I'm seriously sorry for being M.I.A for such a long time!!!! My load at work really picked up so my days of being a lazy employee were cut short. A lot of my favorite bloggers haven't been posting lots of stuff either so it seemed to be a trend.


It could also be the summer time sun....I've spent a lot more time outside then in front of the computer.


Regardless though..............I'M BACK!!!!

.......

I know I haven't posted anything in a really long time and I'm sorry. It's not like I haven't tried though!!!! I feel like blah.... I have about 16 funny, politically incorrect, unfinished posts but they all seem to lack my sense of humor. I can't find the creative motivation to finish them. It's like writer's block or something.

I'm gonna try to find the energy to go running, maybe that will help. The only thing I've felt like doing is sleep, which makes me even more tired. ARG! It's so fucking frustrating!

Maybe I'll post pics without any text....or something....once again sorry for being M.I.A

Ebony and Ivory...

I've said this before and I'll stand by it till the day I die. I don't like chicks as friends. My sarcastic comments are well received by guys since they barely take things personally. With that said, my two best friends are chicks and have been for a long time (they are the only girls I can tolerate and the only chicks that tolerate me...barely). One is black and one is white...hence the nicknames...Ebony and Ivory. Both of these ladies serve very separate but crucial roles in my life and I love them both so much.

Ebony knows my past (every detail) and Ivory knows my present (every detail). Ebony knows who I am because she's been with me through past turmoils and Ivory knows who I want to be because she's on these journeys with me now. Ebony is exactly like me because of our vanity (people ask us if we're sisters all the time), our humor (we have 15 years worth of one liners...ie "Killa Keith") and personal preferences (men, fashion, music). Ivory is like me because she doesn't like girls either, things roll off her back and she views sex, men and relationships like me. Ebony is a Virgo and Ivory is a Libra (like me). Ebony keeps me grounded and Ivory keeps me light hearted. Ebony asks why, Ivory asks why not? Ebony has 1 teeny, tiny tattoo, Ivory has as many as I do. If we were Sex and the City characters, I'd be Carrie, Ivory would be Samantha and Ebony would be Charlotte (no woman, in the history of women, want to Miranda....blah)

Out of our 15 year friendship, Ebony and I have spent a total of 4 years not speaking to each other. We don't have a tolerance for the other's attitude. I'm a wild child and she's particular. Since we know each other better then we know ourselves, we know exactly what to say to break the other's spirit. We've been in 3 nasty fights, but have always come out of them. Ebony is coming to visit me in June. She had a baby girl a couple of months ago and is in dire need of a single girl weekend. She called me last night and told me to break out our old, going out mixed CD cause it's going down! Then she texted me the lyrics to one of our favorite best friend songs (I didn't say it was a good song, just one of our favorites!)...


(1:20) Her girl hollered out "We're best friends" and then I hollered "Y'all look like twins...in a competition you're a couple of tens..."

It made me laugh to think about the past and how we would play this song before heading out to break a couple of men's hearts (and that we did.) We're a pair, always have and always will.
--

Ivory and I are soul mates, in the non-sexual definition of the word. Our personalities are the exact same (she's white but she's actually blacker then I am...ask her anything concerning about Tupac, Bone Thugs and Too Short and she'll be able to tell you). We had a really hard adjustment when I moved out of state since we had been inseparable for the past 3 years. She felt I deserted her and I felt guilty. We didn't talk for 4 months but now that she's found her calling and I've found mine, we're happy that she gets to visit me whenever she wants/needs in Chicago and I get to see her every time I come home. She's a necessary element in my life. Period.

Pumped once by Mr. Miyagi...

We have a cleaners on site for the residents in the building where I work/live. The guy that runs the place looks exactly like Mr. Miyagi and does karate training, in our fitness room, during his lunch break. He likes me. Not in a sexual sense but he gets happy when I come around the cleaners. He likes to grab my hands and say "Hi Forewarning!", (I actually typed my real name through out the whole post...glad I caught it!)when I'm there for my daily once over in the tailoring mirror or when the office gets packages and I come to pick them up.

Today was a little different. He ahhhh....he pumped me one good time from the back. Awkward right? Yes. It was. Lol...I would have been completely mad and offended but he's harmless and totally played me so...... Here's how it went down...

I walked into the cleaners to do my once over in the mirror. He wasn't at the front counter so I called out to him, "Mr. Miyagi ?"(That's not his name but I changed it to protect the innocent)

He comes out from behind some clothes and says (in broken English), "Hi Forewarning! I working. Come back here. You special."

I come around the front counter and he's eyeing my work pants (he's tailored a couple for me). He says, "They nice. Good fit." Takes me hand, lifts it and says "Turn around?" I start to turn and half way around, while my back is to him he says, "Yes! Good fit!" grabs me around the waist and pumps my ass, one good time, then let's me go.....

I...uh.....It happened so quick! he...ah.....I don't know what to say. The guy has got to be 6 inches shorter then me, but if I'm being honest, his dick felt like a baby finger! EEWW! IF I"M BEING HONEST WITH MYSELF, I'm pretty sure he was hard! I think he has been plotting that move for weeks. I swear he has!

Anyway...I laughed awkwardly and started to say bye but he says, "Oh wait, lint." and runs up behind me and picks a piece of lint and a strand of hair off my blouse. Then says, "Bye Forewarning!"

Put on the shelf....

I'm listening to my iPod and I love when songs I forget play on shuffle mode.

This song reminds me of my Breezy...he's in a serious relationship and will probably wife her. It sucks that I've HAD to put him on the "Can NOT Touch" shelf....which has took me a long time to do. I'm happy if he's happy and that's really hard for me to say. Really hard. I'm an adult though, I'm not 21 anymore and can't keep making the same mistakes....



It's so funny runnin' into you

It has to be three years
Since we last seen each other
Many flashbacks come to mind
Of the wild and crazy times
We used to have with one another


We absolutely didn't care
We would do it anywhere
Eye contact, and it was over
But that's when I was wildin' out
I couldn't care less about
Someone gettin' hurt
I've done my share of dirt
But I done wised up


Seein' you reminds me of
All the nights I used to beat it up
I would do it again, but I can't
Cuz everything is different now
I finally have settled down
And became a one woman man...

--

The words above have been said by both of us, to each other, the past 3 years....

Playing on my iPod

...I hardly know ya,
So there is no attachment.
You take my chair,
I'll sit right there,
Let's see how that feels.
And don't be mean and make a scene
It ain't a big deal.
Cause something happened,
That I wasn't expectin,
his best friend all night had my attention.

Knew it was wrong, but..
I couldn't help it.
And I don't care,
I'm being selfish.
Know what I want and I want your best friend.
Ain't gonna front, uh uh,
I want you best friend.

Hey boy,
I think I like your best friend.
Would you mind,
If I dined,
With your best friend.
Aww SWITCH

You see baby..
It really ain't a big deal.
I mean you a nice guy and all but...
If I met him when I met you,
He probably would a got the phone call...
--

Lol...loves it.

Fuck Jimmy John's....

I'm a not what you would call a hot head, I'm pretty easy going, rational and hate conflict. When I reach a certain tolerance though, I'll snap. I don't yell and break things, I just calmly hit people with a personal one liner so tough, it breaks their spirit. Am I proud of it? No, I've hurt people's feelings (i.e. my mom and best friends) Can I help it? Yes, but so can The Hulk, until he can't any more.

One of my pet peeves is people don't do their job 100. I know there's certain reasons and excuses, but when you flat out choose not to do your job....it pisses me off....my mom calls it instant anger. Case in point...Jimmy John's.

I called Jimmy John's today at work, for a food delivery and it went a little some thing like this....

JJ: Jimmy John's can I help you?
Me: Yes hi, may I have a Veggie UnWhich with JJ peppers and Jalapeno Chips for delivery?
JJ: Sure! Anything else?
Me: No I'm okay. Thank you. (I'm not putting in the pleasantries to make a point. I really do talk to people with pleases and thank yous.)
JJ: Okay, your total is $8.29. It should be there in 20 mins.
Me: Okay, cool.
JJ: Bye.
Me: Bye.

Easy breezy....right? 40 minutes later. (I'm so busy at work I did't even notice its been longer then what they said. I wan't even mad though...shit happens.)

Work phone rings.
Me: 1401, this is Forewarning, how can I help you?
JJ: Yes hi, this is Blah, Blah, Blah from Jimmy John's. You have a delivery guy on his way to deliver your food....
Me: Oh, great! Thanks.
JJ: When he gets there can you tell him not to deliver your food.....
Me: Oh? Okay? Did he forget something?
JJ: No. He has your order. We just realized we aren't responsible for delivering to your address....
Me: Even though he's on his way?
JJ: Yup.
Me: Aren't you just 2 blocks from me?
JJ: Yeah but we're not responsible. Oh and I don't have the number to JJ's who is responsible so...... (this is when the something in me snaps. SHE HIT ME WITH A FUCKING "so......" Like I'm inconveniencing her! Instead of snapping I say....)
Me: You don't have the number?
JJ: Nope.
Me: Wow. Okay, thanks....I guess...(and hung up).

DO YOUR FUCKING ASS, SIMPLE ASS JOB! WHY THE FUCK WOULD I TELL THE DELIVERY GUY? YOU MADE THE MISTAKE! YOU CALL HIM! IF ALL THE CHIENSE FUCKING RESTURANTS KNOW THEIR DELIVARY BOUNDARIES, WHY THE FUCK CAN'T AN AMERICAN SANDWHICH SHOP!!! INCOMPETANT ASS FUCKS! I'M HUNGRY AS SHIT AND NOW I GOTTA GO BACK ON GOOGLE TO RESEARCH THE RIGHT LOCATION AND WAIT AN EXTRA 30 FUCKING MINUTES FOR THEM TO DELIVER. WHAT IN THE FUCK!

I could've got mad, cussed at her and asked to speak with a manger, I EVEN wanted to call them back to give them the number of the correct location, but I didn't. I ordered a veggies wrapped in large lettuce leaves you guys! I'm sure there's some sarcastic cook that would've made fun of me saying I'm am anal ass, hungry ass woman who doesn't get cock (the cook is white I'm assuming). Since I don't like setting myself up to get talked about, I didn't do anything, plus it wouldn't have solved anything. I was pissed for a full 30 seconds and then let it pass. Her ignorance will eventually piss off the wrong kind of person and I'll let them act a foul. I'm too cute to be acting crazy....

p.s. I'm not sure how many people actually read my blog. Lol...not to many I'm guessing but I keep posting things because I'm able to say the thing's here I can't really say to other people. I have a personal blog and a business blog, but I can't post anything with a title that says "Fuck Jimmy John's" for my grandma to read......Thank God for Forewarning....

My favorite word is: WHY

My least favorite word is: POPPYCOCK (what IN THE fuck kind of word?)

What turns me on: TATTOOS

What turns me off: DECEIT

The sound I love most: SILENCE

The sound I hate most: ALARM CLOCKS

My favorite cuss word: FUCK

Something I've never seen before: A CAT PEE

A profession I'd love to try is: PROFESSIONAL EATER

A profession I'd hate to have is: BUBBLE GUM REMOVER

What I imagine God would say to me as he opens heaven's gates: "Whew...!" then we'd toast with a shot of Crown Royal. (I'm SURE God takes a shot every now and again...sure of it)

Foreshadowing scares me....

Lindsey Lohan has lost her damn mind. I used to have a chick crush on her during her Mean Girl days. She had red hair and big boobs. Now she's a drunk and does stupid shit like this. Get some help Love. At the rate you're going...this is not gonna end well.

uh oh....

So I was walking my dog today and since it was so nice we took a different route. We walked a couple blocks up from the park we usually stop at and I found out something quite shocking...

When I'm driving on the highway, I can see my building and can see that the windows from the outside are tinted blue. Since I live by myself, I walk around naked all the time. My apartment is on the 13th floor and I figured with the tint nobody on street level can see me.

I was totally wrong! From street level, a few blocks up, I was able to see into my living room, and see that my t.v. was on. I couldn't tell what was playing but still! People can see my naked body when I walk in my living room fresh from the shower.

Lol...at first I was appalled but then the freak inside me kicked in and I thought...egh...I might be making some man's dick hard so instead of being selfish, I'll take my new found knowledge and put it to good use.

Don't you wish there were more humanitarians in the world like me? Angelina Jolie can kiss my ass.

No really....she can (wink)(wink)....

Mmmmm....

I almost hate myself for liking this song just because Marques Houston is so bogus (the size of his head literally ruins my day...no seriously. His hair line reminds me of the equator.)

ANYWAYS.....I found one of those random mixed cds under the driver's seat in my car and decided to pop it in. I LOVED the cd! It was a mix of all black r&b singers singing about freaking a woman down. My favorite type of music....(obviously).

Here's the song....




This is what comes to mind when I hear this song...

I'm in bed. Naked. With a man deep between my thighs. He's on his back. I'm on top. Our skin is wet. His hands are low on my waist as I move my hips back and forth, back and forth. I know how he likes it. Just like riding a bike. I place my hands on the metal head board as I bend my head to kiss his lips. I must really be putting it on him cause all he can say is mmmmm.

He usually has me bent over. Asking if I like it. If I missed him. I'm usually responding with an oooo....yes. With a harder and an oh God. At the moment though, he's at a lose for words. lol. I break the rhythm for a moment and he opens his eyes. I whisper against his lips and tell him to slow it down. I like to play around. I tell him my body's his personal playground. That I'm feeling his game and wanna say his name.

He loves the way I touch his body. He loves the way I feel on his body.

Here's what I said. Said I like kissin. Said I like touchin. Said I like. Said I like teasin. Said I like pleasin. Said I like...

Just to prove who's really in charge. He changes our position. Now I'm on the bottom. With one pump, he has me thrown. I bite my lower lip, and exhale with a moan. Oh God. This feels so good. Pump #2. I throw my head back and say his name. He bites and kisses my neck. The way I like. Just like riding a bike. He whispers in my ear and says. Girl you know I like it when you make that oh ah sound. He says. Caress my body. Feel my body. Girl you're not just anybody. Girl just bring your sexy body here.

I smile against his lips. Put my arms on top his shoulder and open my legs wider. I whisper one more time. I told him slow it down. I like to play around. I told him my body's his personal playground. That I'm feeling his game and wanna say his name.

He lets out an mmmmm. He loves the way I touch his body.. He loves the way I feel on his body.

Where's what I said. said I like kissin. said I like touchin. Said I like. Said I like....said I like teasin. said I like pleasin. Said I like.

I'm so in tune with his body. The pace he's setting. The spot he's hitting. He's definitely a sin. He drops his head. I smile. He's feeling it too. We both start to moan and our lips rest against each other as our breath begins to sync.

And then I say. Woo...there's a little place. We'll call it the g-spot. Keep pressin the g-spot. You hittin the g-spot.....

He goes harder. Faster. I get higher. Tighter. I say his name over and over and over. Ooooo...ooooo...oooooo.

Just like riding a bike.

--

Lol. See what an imagination will get you. I hear songs and think of what I'd be doing if it was late and the particular song was playing. I love music and words and the places they take me.....mmmmm...

Inked...

Let's talk about one of my favorite topics...tattoos.

Hopefully I'm not beating a dead horse but I have a SERIOUS love affair with tattoos. I think there's something sexy about the commitment it takes to get one. I'm not talking about dripping wet cherries...(???? Really?)....and Thug Life on a white boy...I'm talking about something that means so much, you can't help but tattoo it. Some people don't understand the concept of tattoos, which makes them that more meaningful to us that do.

Tattoos last longer then love. Tattoos last longer then life. Do you understand how powerful that statement is? They cover up wounds left by other people and can carry a memory of someone that is no longer part of this world.

All of my tattoos represent past scenarios that make me me. Nothing else on earth can tell you my whole life story better then my tattoos. My perfect man (who I pray is a black tattoo artist)...will have his life story on his skin as well. His battle wounds and emotional scaring will be put on display for others to read...if they take the time.

There's also something sensual about meeting a man who shares the same love affair with tattoos. The Joke-ster loved my tattoos. One of our most sexual escapades started with him playing hide and go seek along my body....(ladies if you can find someone who makes up impromptu games like this, keep him. That kind of imagination is priceless.) He told me to tell him how many tattoos I had and his job was to undress me and lick each one he found. If he found them all, he got a reward (I have 2 tattoos in my southern regions so things got interesting). Let's just say he found them all and was very pleased with his earnings...very, very pleased.

The picture above is my latest tattoo, probably my last one too. I'm running out of room and I need to be able to have control over how many tattoos I show people. (I love when people realize I have tattoos and say "Oh, I never would have guessed." I like that they'll NEVER be able to put me in a certain category (good girl, sex pot, etc...). As soon as they put me in one, they'll have to take me right back out cause I just won't fit.)

Anyway, blackbird is a tribute to Chicago...my neverland....and if you don't understand why I chose blackbird, go watch Public Enemies....it'll make sense after.

By the way....The feminine tattoo photo shoot was amazing and I can't wait to post pictures!!!! I can't believe one of my dreams is now tangible...something I can hold in my hands. I'm very, very proud of myself.

Straight buggin'....

I went running yesterday cause it was so pretty and this song played on my iPod and I listened to it like 500 times. This is officially my "I have a crush on somebody" song. Isn't it funny how you think you'll never be able to have these feelings about another man when you're knee deep in the crush phase? Lol...so funny.

But for real though, this man has my nose wide open and this song is exactly how I act when he comes around. My feelings keep changing though....(I'm so simpin' though) I hate him for 2 days then I like him for 4 days. I'm not even sure he knows he's doing this to me or if he even feels the same way. It totally sucks but I'm kinda enjoying the light hearted, school age crush I'm having right now....he's just so damn cute. And his dog makes it worse...his dog is the perfect man's man dog. Big and friendly....(swoon).

I put your picture on my mirror
Start to blush when somebody says your name
In my stomach there's a pain
See you walkin my direction, I go the other way
I start to stutter when I speak
Try to stand, but my knees go weak
What's happenin to me?
In the dark can you tell me what it means?
I lay my head on my pillow
Starrin out the window
Wish on a star for a sign
That's reason why
You're always on my mind
When you come around I get shy
When I see you
When I see you
Never know when you might walk by
So I gotta be right all the time
When I see you
When I see you
I scribble X and O's in my notebook
Checkin how my hair and my nails look
I feel myself in the zone
I get nervous when you call,
so I say I'm not home
I see your face when I hear my favorite song
Should I send an e-mail at home?
You're the #1 topic on the phone
I wonder if you know,
or do yo have a clue?
I lay my head on my pillow
You got me starrin out the window
Wish on a star for a sign
What's the reason why?
You're always on my mind
When you come around I get shy
When I see you
When I see you
Never know when you might walk by
So I gotta be right all the time
When I see you
When I see you
Something now is taking over me
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
I'm not gonna run I'm,
Just gonna stand here and see
You're always on my mind
When you come around I get shy
When I see you
When I see you
You're so sexy boy
you're so sexy boy
Never know when you might walk by
So I gotta be right on time
When I see you
When I see you