Playing on my iPOd

Fuckery of the week...

His lip says it all....

I mean...seriously?

So Halle Berry and her fine ass boyfriend may have broke up. People are saying that while he loves her, he's starting to become attracted to other women and it wouldn't be fair to stay with her so he broke it off.

Every single hour of the day, I start losing more and more faith in relationships! If this gorgeous woman can't keep a decent man then what the fuck kind of chance do I have! I mean......seriously?!

Random Thought....

When are you required to clean your belly button? I do it every so often, like once every 5 months with rubbing alcohol, but it there any rules of cleaning it like there is regarding taking a shower and washing your hair?

Anyway....just a thought.....

The five figer rule...ah fuck....

When I was younger and started having sex, I heard about and initiated the five finger rule. What's the five finger rule? Each finger represents a man the girl has had sex with and any respectable girl should never exceed 5. (ahhhh....the thoughts of a naive 18 year old)

I've decided to take a look at my "five" fingers. You don't know where you're going till you know where you've been.....boy oh boy!

(have you heard the expression "You can't get over a man till you get under another one"? These men will be marked with {} signs and then the name of the man I was getting over next to it....i.e. {The Mexican}Quincy)

FINGER #1. Quincy (nicknamed after the lead character in Love and Basketball...yes that made me Monica)

Year: 2002/I was 18 years old
I was his TIME FILLER
He was my "BOY" NEXT DOOR

We've had sex 3 times total...the first time was awesome....second time we got caught by my step dad...third time (2005) the sex was so bad we realized it wasn't working and haven't talked since.

FINGER#2. {The Mexican}Quincy (he was Mexican but more of a Mario Lopez then Mark Anthony)

Year:2003/18 going on 19
I was his GIRLFRIEND
He was my BOYFRIEND

Had sex with him 3 times too...we dated for 3 months (long distance) and broke up (after the first 2 weeks of college)...2 weeks later I met...

FINGER#3. Itta Bit

Year:2003/18 going on 19
I was his GIRL NEXT DOOR/GIRLFRIEND
He was my BOYFRIEND

I knew I didn't want to be with him forever but he loved me more then I loved him so I stayed. I thought I was still in love with Quincy and that created major problems. We did a long distance relationship and fought for one full year. During that year I met....

FINGER#4. {Atom}Itta Bit

Year: 2005/20 going on 21
I was his FUCK FRIEND
He was my FUCK FRIEND

Atom had a girlfriend when we met and was basically going through the same thing Itta Bit and I were going through. We found peace in each other and the sex was crazy good. After 2 years of us goosing leisurely, Atom moved out of town

IT TOOK ME TWO WHOLE YEARS TO SCREW A NEW MAN CAUSE HE WOULD'VE BEEN FINGER #5. Atom came into town every 6 months so I was able to bone during those years. During that time though. I realized I was "in love" with him.

FINGER #5. {GRAFFITI}Atom

Year:2007/23
I was his GIRL NEXT DOOR
He was my TIME FILLER

We've has sex twice. The first time I was tipsy so we'll call it right place, wrong dick. The second time I was sober, and quickly realized he was bad in bed. I patted him on the shoulder, stopped and left

During this time I decided I was going to tell Atom about my feelings. I did but he had met another girl. We still continued to talk, about twice a month, and it killed me every time. A good looking man, in an Air Force uniform, came to my job...we chatted and laughed but nothing came of it. Little did I know, I would fall in love with him 2 months later. Insert....

FINGER #6. {The Marine} Atom

Year:2007/23
I was his ONE NIGHT STAND
He was my ONE NIGHT STAND

The Marine and I basically grew up together...he was a random classmate from 6th grade all the way the Senior year. We were at a house party during Christmas break, when everyone was coming home from college. I had decided during the party I was DONE "loving" Atom and I was toasting the revelation with a friend. I got super drunk and remember The Marine saying he would have took me to prom but was too scared to ask. I remember thinking how sweet a thought that was and we started making out. We were in a room at that time and I remember him sliding in me but never pumping. I left the party after that. (not a winning moment more me).

FINGER #7. {The Jokester} Atom (<---It wasn't until NOW that I realized my PUSSY was lonely and was in lust with ATOM's dick....not my heart. A lot of emotion was wasted over the 2 years I thought I loved him. The one and only time I confused sex with love...a lesson learned and corrected.)


Year:2008/23 going on 24
I was his GIRLFRIEND
He was my BOYFRIEND

Don't have much to say about him...(Alicia Key's Lesson Learned)

Finger #8. {PYT}The Jokester

Year:2009/25
I was his GIRL NEXT DOOR
He was my TIME FILLER

Had sex with PYT twice. First time sucked and I patted him on the shoulder, stopped and left....second time happened at work in the restaurant. The public location made the sex reasonable....

THAT'S IT...yikes! I don't know how I feel about my 8 fingers. I'm not happy about the number and could have gone without sleeping with The Mexican, Graffiti and The Marine, which would have brought my number back to 5. At the same time though, I am who I am because of my experiences. I know I don't want to sleep with any new men because the thought of 10 fingers is really scary reality I never thought I'd have to face. A lot of my close female friends have numbers that surpass mine and have said they stopped counting years ago. Although I'm in love with good sex, I still consider myself a respectable woman and would be lying if I said I'm confident I won't hit ten fingers. I don't know what life has in store for me but hitting 10 fingers is a scary, scary reality....

Playing on my iPod: Usher Edition...

Songs I hear when I'm boning...

If a man I could get freaky with played any of these songs...panties wet...it's a wrap...

(Usher) Come a little closer-Let daddy put it on ya-Need you to know-What happens here stays here-(Beyonce)I'm ready and willing-Mama's good to go-Got you standing at attention-Keep it on the low(Usher)Ain't nobody watching-Don't worry they can't see us-I know I got you hot-Now let me in...




Shorty rainin' wet
Up in my ear talkin' 'bout
I got what you came for
This here got your name on it


Oh and at the point 2:58, I'm pretty I've had this exact convo...yummy right?

Advice to a little sister...

So I was talking to my little sister (who's 17) and she was talking about how she was tired of being led on by this guy she liked. He's hot then cold, and while she really likes him, she wants him to make a decision. It was really hard, but since I've been there before, I told her she has to know the role she plays in his life. I told her is was gonna hurt, but if she was brutally honest with herself, she could save herself a whole lot of heart ache.

Here's a list of the type of women you can play in a man's life. I know women think they are always the "exception" but if you are placed in a certain category, 9 times out of 10, you will not be upgraded to a more attractive role.

Let's begin...(these are in no particular order and yes the pics contain all white people...Google is a little racist and I'm too lazy to do a more in depth picture search)

The Girl Next Door...

This is the girl he's dreamed about boning for a long time...either a first love or the girl of his dreams. You may not be the actual girl, but that's who he sees when you guys are together. Dating him will be hard, since he has high expectations of you. The relationship won't last cause he'll either fall in love too quickly, which will scare you or he'll get mad cause you didn't fulfill his high expectations.

The Breezy

You are each other's breath of fresh air. Whether you both are in separate relationships or not, you are the one he calls when he needs to escape reality and vice versa. The sex is great but the friendship is better. This set up may lead you to think a relationship is possible but it's not, even after trying once and it failing. Since you much rather keep thing's the same, you settle for secret dinner dates, hidden sexcapades and stolen kisses. Your past, present and future relationships will never know about him in fear of something actually happening. You may always be the second woman in his life...

The Fuck Friend
This is a simple explanation. He calls you up to come to "hang" in the p.m. and will expect sex at the end of the night. You guys usually won't go out and the only time you'll meet his friends is if they are over his house. He'll pretend to enjoy the conversation, which will make it seem like a relationship could possibly happen. It won't. He only wants sex.

The GirlfriendThese are chicks who found a man who's willing to put claim on them. There's two types of girlfriends though, the "happy" ones and the not happy ones. Single girls wanna be them and they're terrified of single girls. The only thing going for a girlfriend, in my opinion, is thinking you have a man locked down for Valentine's Day (key word being "thinking").

The Best FriendYou're one of the guys. He farts, burps and takes shits around you...you may do the same around him (which is hella foul). You're easy to talk to, get him through his relationships and secretly hope he loves you but he won't see you as girlfriend material. No...you are not the exception.

The Booty CallHey hoe. Just kidding....hoe's need love too. You'll never, EVER see daylight with this man, not even in the a.m. He calls you at midnight when he rolls over and his dick's hard. He may not even want to have sex with you but he is expecting head and for you to bounce after. Your role is to pleasure him. Period. He doesn't bring you around anyone (unless his friends are there hoping to get some dome from you too) and since you can't make a hoe a house wife, expect your time with him to expire after 2 months. Getting head from the same hoe wears thin after a while.

The Wife Can you here the angels singing? The wife...the fucking Bently of relationships. You got a ring and an awesome party but did you get a marriage? Yeah...we shall see...

The Mistress So you're a mistress huh? You (in my opinion) should be at the bottom of the woman food chain. You will suck, lick and stick his manhood to get to the top. I'd respect you more if you fucked for the love of sex, but a mistress is only out for one thing, to get what the wife has. The house, the car and the vacation house in the Hamptons. I should have no advice for you but no bitch..he isn't leaving his wife. Oh by the way...since you're on it a lot...how's your back feel?

The Time Filler
Alright...let's get straight to the point. The man calls you when he needs someone to pick up an emergency load at the dry cleaners, fresh baked cookies and an ego boost. You have the self confidence of a malard duck and he works that in his favor. He would never fuck (or fuck again) in a million years but says sex with you would be deeper then just sex and he's not ready for it. He may kiss you but that happens ever so often. My advice? Find your own Time Filler.

The One Night Stand

If you guys even remember sleeping together don't forget you fucked under the influence. Period. He probably has the same amount of guilt he does when he drinks and drives. He did it...he shouldn't have...he'll try and make a better decision next time.

Hope this was helpful! Men these rules work for you too, except the time filler may be a really sweet guy she invites to weddings cause her first six picks (I originally typed counseled....wow...I know) canceled out. Did she take any pics with you? Yeah...I didn't think so....

Dreads....

I just had my first conversation with Dreads, it was over the phone and he called for a maintenance request (so it doesn't really count) but hey...I'll take it...baby steps ya know?

I still don't like him (even though my panties soak at the thought of him) but I think I may be smitten. It's probably because he's still a complete douche and hasn't given in to talk to me yet. I was running it down with my bestie Monday and she said it's probably the smartest approach a man could take with me since I get attention from men fast....that it keeps me interested It gives me something to look forward too...

Whatevs....I don't even care.

Ain't what it used to be....

I'm pretty sure this is what I look like when I get up in the morning (lol...I"M SERIOUS) and it sucks not being naturally pretty anymore! When I was 22 (3 years ago) I could wake up. take a shower, do my hair and throw on some lip gloss. I still do that but now I have to take an extra 15 to put my "natural" face on. Bronzer, rouge and mascara....

The dark circles and puffy eyes are killing my ass too! I look like the skeleton off Tales from the Crypt! That doesn't even include the fact that my skin is just now clearing up after it shitted on my life and decided to break out something serious. (I looked like a white, 15 year old hall monitor...if that doesn't paint the right picture, that's alright, I just wanted to type out hall monitor)It was probably the worst break out I've ever had.

Anyway I just wanted to put it out there....men...do not judge a woman for looking jacked in the morning, it sucks and we know it!

Oh and yes I used a picture of Harriet Tubman as my example above! (excuse me while I laugh) when I entered old black woman in Google her ass kept popping up so out of pure laziness I went with it.

Shame on me? Shame on you! You didn't even know who that slave looking woman was til I told you...and after all she's done for us. You should be ashamed for yourself...

Look what I did today!

So I've been working on my company's blog and since I needed it to be a little more professional and official then my personal one, I spent the whole day learning how to change and update the two blogs.

I'm so excited!!!! It definitely wasn't easy but I think my shit has come a long way then it looked like yesterday. I don't wanna tell y'all my business blog's URL since I wanna stay incognegro, but that one is looking off the chain too! My business partner was blown away, since I'm doing the things we would have had to pay someone else to do. The pictures of our first couple events are up and I'm in the process of collecting photos from our very first client! It's basically an event and PR company, doing the shit I get paid to do at my 9-5. (have you heard the quote..."if you don't follow your dreams, you be making money for the people who followed theirs."...that's some real ass shit, which got me and my partner motivated to start doing our own thing on the side)

Things are really picking up for me since I'm started facing my fears and pursuing what I love to do. I'll touch upon more of that tomorrow but I just wanted to give a BIG shout out to myself and the people who forced me to turn around and face my talent and my fears. I couldn't have done it without you....

Thank you xoxo

Fuckery of the day....Myself

You know those people that you would think never cry? Military sergeants, serial killers and women who work at the DMV (I'm 100% sure they all have overgrown, hairy legs and have contemplated becoming a lesbian since the odds of them landing any dick is 1:1,000). Well I would like to consider myself one of these people because I think crying is a weakness, a direct result of my childhood...(thanks Ma). Not a lot of people have seen me cry and if you have, you know I tried really hard to hide the fact that I was.

The truth of the matter is....I cry...in the privacy of my own home...over the STUPIDEST SHIT KNOWN TO MAN. The kind of shit that wouldn't even bring my 3 year old little sister to tears.

I'm talking about crying when Troy was finally able to admit he loved singing in High School Musical.

The final straw though, was on Monday night, when I was watching The biggest Loser. When Darius, this shy, Jew Fro having contestant, won his first challenge by climbing his fat ass up this skinny ladder to retrieve his flag....

(Cry Baby Forewarning's Thoughts: The ladder was really skinny you guys! I'm sure he had a hard time grabbing hold because people with chubby ass hands can't really get a good grip!!!! He said he finally knew what it felt like being a winner since all of his life he sat in the back of the classroom!!! That's sad right?! (insert my tears here). I've been a winner ALL my life and I could just imagine what it's like being a winner for the first time at the age of 26...that's amazing!!!)

Actual Forewarning Thoughts: chubby people should sit at the back of the fucking classroom since their broad ass backs block the view of the chalk board and if he wanted to use his weight for good instead of evil, his soft ass would've gone out for the football team....two words...defensive tackle. I'm not buying into that shit so wipe those fucking tears....

Looks like I got some shit to work on cause these lame ass tears are REALLY pissing me off...

As you can tell with my post from earlier....I love magazines. I started keeping my magazines (when I saw Carrie from Sex and the City did it) back in 2006. Lucky, Instyle, Domino (that folded last year) Inked, Nylon, some Vogues (more so since The September Issue came out), some GQ and People's Style. I usually don't do subscriptions (because of this) which is why I LOVE going to Barnes and Noble to buy them at once. Once I buy them, I go home, open a Brownie Fudge Ben and Jerry's, sit on my counter and flip through to look at the pictures. Once I'm done flipping through them all, I go back and read them all from start to finish. It usually takes the whole night but for that night, my mind is calm and else where.

They said the magazine industry is doing fine but I'm going to ask that you take advantage of what we have and support the written word!

Playing on my iPod...

Dear Postal Worker....

Thank you so much for making sure my bills and junk mail arrive neat and organized inside my mailbox. I also found it lovely when you decided to deliver me three fucking, half torn, fashion magazines. What the fuck am I supposed to do with them?! Guess what the other half of "100 Great Finds Under $100" were because I was only able to see half the ga damn article. Do your fucking job!

XOXO,

Forewarning

Blast from the past...

Just heard from one of my light skins...he looks like Matt Kemp, Rihanna's new plaything...however we'll call him Graffiti (he painted me a picture of my name, but it looked like it was spray painted on a brick wall...I think I still have the canvas somewhere too)

Graffiti was really sweet. Too sweet. But his ill designed tattoos, pink dick (which I remember to be very smooth...like those glass dildos) and lack of bedroom swag made me put him on the shelf. He was a year younger then me in high school and while he wanted me hella bad, I never messed with him. I was like his "high school dream girl" so I let him tap it years after high school.

He's gotten pretty upset with me over the years cause I keep coming in and out of his life but he hit me up so I guess all is good....cool beans...

p.s. the picture above is actually Matt Kemp but I could have easily stole this from Graffiti's facebook page...it's kinda eerie how much they look a like. It's times like these I wish my expectations of men weren't as high as they are cause this man is fine....like for real. I guess I can't say things are done til they're done so we shall see....

Like a bike....

...you never really...(at least I didn't) forgot how to ride....It all came back to me...

still not ready to explain....xoxo

Chick Crush...

I think these women are really beautiful...I don't want to screw them but any project they do I really like....chick crush...

Mila Kunis

Forgetting Sarah Marshell/That 70's Show

Kim Kardashian

Sex Tape (I guess)

Her ego is a lot to take but her street style is where I need mine to be. Plus there's her ass...look at it in that swimsuit...I mean really?! (double fist pump..that's awesome)

Kerry Washington

Actress

She's very eloquent and stylish...hopefully that's what people think of when they meet me.

Lake Bell

What Happens in Vegas/How to Make it in America

I think she is gorgeous and was super funny in What Happens in Vegas. Plus her new show is one of my favorites.

Rihanna

Singer

Of course Rihanna is on my list. I think she's gorgeous and once again, her street style is fierce. Plus she's helped make tattoos sexy, feminine and acceptable...loves it.

(Update) I forgot Christina Hendricks!

The hot redhead off of Mad Men.

She's saucy, curvy and make the men go wild....a little of my self? Uh YEAH!

Playing on my iPod....

I know you know my boyfriend is outta town...so have a drink, let's talk it over...

So many things I shouldn't be sayin now...you know I like my boys a little bit older..

Someone tapped it....

I'll come clean about it later.....(wink) (wink)....

I'm good....thank God...

Whew! I don't know what my problem was yesterday! Usually I have the ability to suppress my problemed thoughts, which is why my step mom calls me a sitting duck (on the surface the duck looks peaceful and calm but under the water, his legs are peddling fast and frantic). Since all my thoughts had come to the surface yesterday, I felt more like a flustered, mallard.



Everything's all good though, nothing a night's sleep couldn't cure and I'm back to being me! Saucy, sassy and happy! Ahhhhh, suppressed mental health and compressed emotions never felt so good....


(The blog is a form of therapy for me so don't think the worst of me....I'm not psychotic or anything!)


xoxo

My mood...

I'm in a very deep thinking (smelling the shit) kind of mood...Arg...

Smelling the shit....

I took my dog to the dog park today and left with a lesson learned....

This dog park is AWE.Some. There's fake fire hydrogens, water fountains, and a scratching wall to rub his body against. While the other dogs were running around, chasing each other (playing tag it looked like) and enjoying their time in the sun, wanna know what my dog was busy doing?

Chasing ass hole.

No seriously. He was so consumed with the scent of other dogs' asses, he couldn't even enjoy his surroundings. When I say consumed, I mean sniffing ass while the dogs were taking a shit consumed. Then (since he's a Class A asshole) had the nerve to get pissed when another dogs smelled his ass....like he was offended or something.

As simple as it was watching him, I realized, that I have GOT to stop smelling the shit around me. I get SO wrapped up with this image of who I think I'm "supposed" to be and the fear I have that I'm missing out on all games of tag, water fountains and rubbing walls....

Noir et Blanc...

"Black is the color that connects everything together. White as well. They are of absolute beauty, the perfect marriage." Mademoiselle CoCo Chanel

I have a serious obsession with black and white. I'm a Libra and it seems my life consists of nothing but extremes, blacks or whites. If you know me, you know grey areas are very hard for me to understand and bear. I'm trying to learn though.....

Playing on my iPod...

I've said before I'm not a hip hop junkie who cares about mad lyricists and tight beats. I care about the words and how they apply to my life. This song has been playing non stop..I like the girl's verses. Easy listening ya know?!

1. When do you feel happiest? on the days I have nothing to do

2. How do you take care of yourself? by being overly self conscious...not a good thing

3. Are you internally (by yourself) or externally (by others) motivated? externally

4. What do you do for fun? grocery shop

5. What intimidates you? success

6. What is something you're proud of? my apartment loft

7. Finish this sentence. I never _____________. thought I could be this content with life

8. Favorite vacation spot. Miami

9. Today is a (rate from 1 - 10). a 6, I'm at my 9-5

10. Finish this sentence. If you knew me really well you'd know _____________. I'm very personable but hate feeling vulnerable

Snickers satisfies....(what?! it's on the damn wrapper!)

I read...a lot. My favorite place in the world, besides my bed, is Barnes and Noble. I read a lot of everything though...biographies, fiction, erotica, instructional, fashion magazines, etc. I was reading Zane's latest book, Total Eclipse of the Heart, and while I was getting dripping wet and very horny, I thought back to the milestones that have paved the road of my sexuality. Specifically, the time I came during sex for the very first time.

This post will be short, since something special, but not really special happened. I've told you before that The Joke-ster was the man behind orgasm but since he was a police officer, for the Air Force, we never had sex outside the bed ("how would it look like for a cop to be put on the Public Sex Offender List?" he would say to me....."You're such a waste of good dick" was what I was thinking in my head).

The reason I stayed and the reason I wanted to leave were one in the same....his dick. When I saw it standing at attention for the first time (chocolate, thick and long), I didn't know if I should be scared of the shit or salute it. It reminded me of an over sized, King Size Snickers bar. The kind only fat women dream of.

He liked to kiss, (my favorite sexual act) which made me nice and wet to take him on. Once he filled me (and oh Dear Lawd did he), he was hitting every wall possible. He's moves weren't impressive but they didn't really have to be. I soon started to feel those mystical waves and thought to myself...really? He's about to put it on me like this? I quickly experienced what some would call toe curling, breathless, hot white ecstasy. The shit was fire.

We were together for just under 2 years and while the orgasms were great, they got less appealing since his dick was in such high demand in the streets. I haven't had good sex since him but I'm sure I'll be able to experience that white heat with someone else. Now when I think about him I think Snickers did satisfy...goodness did it ever...the rest of the time though, egh, so so.

Men...

I discovered, some time during high school, that I like having guy friends more then female friends. Less drama for me, less "feelings", male protection and harmless, goofy fun (going to strip clubs with just the guy is hilarious). Guy friends are hard to find though, since there's a thin line between handsome men you don't want to fuck and unattractive men that wish to fuck you. I've had about 3 successful guy friends my entire life, not including my male cousins.

The knowledge that I've gained from these relationships are priceless....(I'm definitely looking forward to finding a guy crew in Chicago). It's hard being a guy's girl and a girl in love with a guy so here's some information I've passed on to other older/younger females (that yes, they should take with a grain of salt)....

Knowledge #1. Attractive men rather not hit on attractive women.

Knowledge #2. Ugly men think their opinions matter most.

Why is it always the ugly men of the group that feel they have the right to say "You got bags under your eyes" "Your hair is frizzy today" and "If you were my wife I would've...." to a pretty girl? It takes all of my being not to say "Listen here you short fuck of a man, in your dreams would I be your wife, so you can take that statement off the fucking table.....my hair is real and my frizz looks way better then any other bald headed bitch you're able to pull and I have bags under my eyes because I was dicking down a man last night, who unlike you, doesn't look like Templeton the rat from Charlotte's web....now get the fuck out of my face."

Knowledge #3. If he has a pet name for you just shortly after meeting you, he probably has an army of females. Calling you all one name is the only way for him to keep track.

Knowledge #4. Their dicks mean A LOT to them, like their first born son.

Knowledge #5. They know cheating is bad but they sincerely believe science is at fault for making them want to spread their seed.

Knowledge #6. Men don't mature more with age....EVER. The little boys poking at mud with sticks are the same guys at the club and around the PlayStation.

Knowledge #7. Seeing a fat ass for them is like a crackhead getting their next fix, don't take offense when he looks at one, just help him wipe his drool when he's done.

Knowledge #8. The asshole of the group is the one who would sleep with you first.

Knowledge #9. When he says he IS listening to you on the phone he isn't.

Knowledge #10. While they look at the chick with the shortest dress and loads of make-up at the club, they really do like more natural females. (it gets hard maintain that naturalness as you get older and it sucks)

Knowledge #11. It really isn't you it's him.

Knowledge #12. Even though they shouldn't, they say nice things that will shut you up and get you in bed. Pussy power works for women and against them too.

Knowledge #13. You can NEVER tell when a man's on the DL (advice given by a gay friend)

Knowledge #14. The naked pictures you send to them ARE being shown to their friends (which is why I take my time selecting which one's I send since more then one pair of eyes are going to see them)

Now I could be completely wrong about all these point but it's okay because this is my blog and not yours....

J'adore.....

I asked my little sister the other day (who's four) if she thought the Disney Princesses could have got their own castles if they hadn't have met their Prince Charmings. She said no. Very matter of factly. I'm more committed in accomplishing great things to show her it can be done.

Novelty tattoos

Polaroid Pictures

Cruiser Bike

I really want one for the summer.

Chicago is such a flat city so riding a bike to go shopping or to brunch would be ideal.

I want to professional digital camera sooooo bad! Photography is starting to become an infatuation for me.

I triple dog dare you.....

#1. I love Glee and can't wait for the new season tonight!

#2. Forward through the whole episode, (since I couldn't find a clip) and stop at the 30.18 mark (you'll have to watch a minute of it to get the full effect) and I triple dog dare you that you CAN'T keep your face or mind from reacting around the 31.30 mark.

I'm not making fun or judging...I'm just saying.......

I was catching up on the season to get prepared for the new episode tonight and that scene caught me off guard. If I'm the ONLY person on Earth that found my dare hard to do then I accept being a REALLY bad person and I'll pray extra hard for the Lord to help me...


(update) the more I think about it, the more I start to feel offended. Fox put me in a very uncomfortable situation when they aired this episode. Maybe they should have to a warning in the bottom left hand corner. Since they didn't and I laughed, I feel like they forced me to be a bad person! I think I'm gonna write a letter of discernment to Fox...one person does have the power to change the world you know.

My personal anthem...

I love words and I love that each word has its own definition (my favorite websites are dictionary.com and thesaurus.com). I love music too. I'm not as involved in indie and underground hip hop as other people, but my iPod has a good mix of music. My favorite songs though are the ones who's lyrics mean more to me then the bass or the beat. It may be a song by John Mayer or a generic song by Usher, but I'll be posting just the lyrics to tell you a story or a situation I'm in.

I went running yesterday and my iPod was in one of those great shuffle moods where every song it played I LOVED. It's like seeing a midget or something when it happens cause it only happens once in a blue moon. Anyway I hadn't heard this song in months and it fit the mood I was in yesterday so I played it 4 times in a row.

I love her cause she got her own
She don’t need mine
She said leave mine alone
There ain’t nothing that’s more sexy
THEN A GIRL THAT WANT
BUT DON'T NEED ME
YOUNG, INDEPENDENT YES SHE WORK HARD
But you can tell from the way that she walk
She don’t slow down
cause she ain’t got time
To be complain, shawty gon shine
She don’t expect nothing from no guy
SHE PLAYS AGGRESSIVE, BUT SHE'S STILL SHY
BUT YOU'LL NEVER KNOW HER SOFTER SIDE
BY LOOKING IN HER EYES
Knowing she can do for herself
Makes me want to give her my wealth
Only kinda of girl I want
Independent queen, working for her throne
I love her cause she got her own
She got her own
I love her cause she got her own
She got her own
I love it when she say,
It’s cool, I got it, I got it, I got it
I love it when she say
It’s cool, I got it I got it, I got it
I love her cause she got her own
She don’t need mine
She said leave mine alone
There ain’t nothing that’s more sexy
Then a girl that want but don’t need me
Lovely face, nice thick thighs
Plus she got drive that matches my drive
Sexy thing, she stay fly
All about paying her bills on time
SHE DON'T LOOK AT ME LIKE CAPTAIN SAVE EM
GOLD DIGGING NO SHE DON'T DO THAT
NOW SHE LOOK AT ME LIKE INSPIRATION
SHE WANT TO BE COMPLIMENT TO MY SWAG
And everything she got she work for it
Good life meant for it
SHE TAKE PRIDE IN SAYING THAT SHE PAID FOR IT
Only kinda girl I want
INDEPENDENT QUEEN WORKING FOR HER THRONE
I LOVE HER CAUSE SHE GOT HER OWN
Don’t make me laugh boo
Never did that bad too
Make you even have too
But even if I had too
Ask my better half too
You be more than glad too
When I do that math boo
You also try to add two
I need someone who will ride for me
Not someone who will ride for free
SHE SAID BOY I DON'T JUST RIDE
SHE'LL PULL UP BESIDE OF ME
I had to ask her
What she doing in that Caddy
She said cause you my baby I be stuntin like my daddy
And there’s not many
Who catch my eye
We both wearing Gucci
SHE MATCH MY FLY
And that’s why I
Supposed to keep her closer
Right by the side
Posted in the holster
Now she with Loso
In case you didn’t know so
You can save yo money dawg
Shawty getting doso
What she care he’s cause
You can call her Miss Boss
You’ll got it backwards Kriss Kross
I love her cause she got her own

I'm doing The Cry Baby....

First...do you guys remember the cry baby dance?! I remember going to house parties in high school and thinking only hoes did the cry baby. Humping your ass against the ground while pumping your fist in the middle of the living room/dance floor? Yeah...that's 16 year old, hoe type shit. I mean I treated those girls as if they had just gave head to the whole basketball team (in my defense though, some of them had). I never even tried to lend my hand, to help the chick off the floor (thrusting her pelvis against the ground seemed to impair her equilibrium) in fear of contracting whore-ititis. I was a good girl, I wasn't gonna help a hoe out!

Anyway, I'm doing that shit right cause GUESS WHAT BITCHES?!!!!!!!!!!

MY HEALTH INSURANCE KICKS IN TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes! (now I'm attempting the moonwalk) I can officially get hit by a bus, have a squirrel bite my big toe and have my tonsils explode because I have insurance. Good insurance at that! Plus dental and eye care!

p.s the animation above isn't really the cry baby, but if you look at it long enough, it'll make you laugh....I mean she's giving that shit her all....pure concentration....

Knowing where I came from...(Update)

I asked my Pop to send me a pic of the Bryant Family crest that he received from his dad. It says Bryant on the flag and Dublin cut into the wood.

Cool egh?

Knowing where I came from...

Apparently there's a running joke amongst the black community regarding the existent of black Irishmen. Now I was completely unaware of this joke until I moved and was surrounded by "real" black people. When they would ask me what I am mixed with, they would roll their eyes once I started the list off with Irish. I know that eye roll! I've done that eye roll!

There's was a chick with the nappiest hair EVER (her unpicked afro looked liked Celie's vagina bush from The Color Purple) and when we got into the "What are you mixed with?" convo, she had the nerve to tell me she's half Cherokee Indian....I rolled my eyes and hit her with the "Pheesh Please..." and thought "In her fucking dreams was she mixed with Indian".


Because of the response to my list, I started to question my Irish ancestry and all I thought I loved about myself. I called my Pop (my grandpa Bryant<---an Irish surname BTW) who has spent years back tracking his paternal family history. The last known person on his list was named London Bryant (which would be his x5 Great Grandfather) and the family story is that he was born in Ireland and came to the U.S. via a boat route coming up through Panama and ending in New York. My Pop sent me the only actual documentation we have listing a L. Bryant, as a guest aboard a ship, docking into NY in 1855. Below is the scan.

I'm determined to prove my naturally red/brown hair came from my Irish roots ga dammit! When I Googled "London Bryant in Panama during 1800" it gave me a link to a 248 page history of the origin and decedents of the surname Bryant. The brief description Google gives for it's results said that somewhere within the 248 pages, it says "1857 when he returned to the East by way of Panama and Aspinwall route to New York..." and if you look on the form, the boat (with a L.Bryant passenger) was coming back to Aspinwall, NY....

Yes! Now I just have to find it to make sure I'm on to something....

On some real shit though...I truly believe YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE YOU'RE GOING IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE YOU CAME FROM! AND NEITHER DO YOUR CHILDREN AND YOUR CHILDREN'S CHILDREN. I have a lot of self-worth (even though I like sex *wink*wink) and I really think it's because I know the names and faces of my ancestors. Make the time to dig around...you may be surprised what you find.

This pic by the way...is a pic of Nick Tyson....my paternal grandma's 3x Great Grandfather. His two sons (way back, way back cousins) were arrested for being wild, white people killing vigilantes in the late 1800's.

Which is probably why my family is so chill with white people nowadays, we got our revenge on them years ago....

Okay so....

I've had something on my mind the last couple of days and normally I wouldn't discuss it (unless I was talking to Atom since I'm sexually comfortable with him), but since I want this blog to represent me 100%, without any limitations, I'm gonna type about it. Ahhh...here goes!

I like dick. Love DICK actually.

However I got hit on by this really pretty chick a couple of days ago, who looked like she's turned more then a couple of females out...imagine Rihanna when she had the short, black, pixie hair cut....tattoos and all. Now, I don't know if I was attractive more to the way she came at me (smooth, confident...very Atom-esque) but if she would have been a chocolate toned man, my no man pack would have been out the window. Like for real.

I've always wanted to participate in a menage et trois, with a guy and girl, but it would have had to have been a spontaneous event, that involved a forward woman, a couple of shots and a well deserving man....just to say I've had one I guess. I mean, there's been a couple of females where if the situation presented itself, I would have allowed her to kiss me but nothing more then that, especially in the absence of a man.

Anyway, it was a situation that got me thinking and while I'd like to call myself a sexual deviant, I really don't think I have the balls to let a chick sex me down. I really do love dick....