Men...

I discovered, some time during high school, that I like having guy friends more then female friends. Less drama for me, less "feelings", male protection and harmless, goofy fun (going to strip clubs with just the guy is hilarious). Guy friends are hard to find though, since there's a thin line between handsome men you don't want to fuck and unattractive men that wish to fuck you. I've had about 3 successful guy friends my entire life, not including my male cousins.

The knowledge that I've gained from these relationships are priceless....(I'm definitely looking forward to finding a guy crew in Chicago). It's hard being a guy's girl and a girl in love with a guy so here's some information I've passed on to other older/younger females (that yes, they should take with a grain of salt)....

Knowledge #1. Attractive men rather not hit on attractive women.

Knowledge #2. Ugly men think their opinions matter most.

Why is it always the ugly men of the group that feel they have the right to say "You got bags under your eyes" "Your hair is frizzy today" and "If you were my wife I would've...." to a pretty girl? It takes all of my being not to say "Listen here you short fuck of a man, in your dreams would I be your wife, so you can take that statement off the fucking table.....my hair is real and my frizz looks way better then any other bald headed bitch you're able to pull and I have bags under my eyes because I was dicking down a man last night, who unlike you, doesn't look like Templeton the rat from Charlotte's web....now get the fuck out of my face."

Knowledge #3. If he has a pet name for you just shortly after meeting you, he probably has an army of females. Calling you all one name is the only way for him to keep track.

Knowledge #4. Their dicks mean A LOT to them, like their first born son.

Knowledge #5. They know cheating is bad but they sincerely believe science is at fault for making them want to spread their seed.

Knowledge #6. Men don't mature more with age....EVER. The little boys poking at mud with sticks are the same guys at the club and around the PlayStation.

Knowledge #7. Seeing a fat ass for them is like a crackhead getting their next fix, don't take offense when he looks at one, just help him wipe his drool when he's done.

Knowledge #8. The asshole of the group is the one who would sleep with you first.

Knowledge #9. When he says he IS listening to you on the phone he isn't.

Knowledge #10. While they look at the chick with the shortest dress and loads of make-up at the club, they really do like more natural females. (it gets hard maintain that naturalness as you get older and it sucks)

Knowledge #11. It really isn't you it's him.

Knowledge #12. Even though they shouldn't, they say nice things that will shut you up and get you in bed. Pussy power works for women and against them too.

Knowledge #13. You can NEVER tell when a man's on the DL (advice given by a gay friend)

Knowledge #14. The naked pictures you send to them ARE being shown to their friends (which is why I take my time selecting which one's I send since more then one pair of eyes are going to see them)

Now I could be completely wrong about all these point but it's okay because this is my blog and not yours....